Cliches?

5) Metaphors. Don't tell the story.... Create an image for the listener. For example, don't say "the stars where white and twinkly in the dark blue sky"... INstead say, "the stars were diamonds in sapphire blue.." Much more interesting.

I admit that I haven't listened to the song; I'm giving my opinion based on the lyrics only. I hope some of my advice at least sparked some thought. Keep on writing!

Aaron
http://www.voodoovibe.com


p.s.Sorry for the fragmented post. For some reason my browser crashes whenever I submit long posts, and I'm tired of typing for a half an hour and losing it all.
 
Thanks everyone, I tried to get in here a couple of times yesterday but for one reason or another, wasn't able to post.

Aaron,
I did read all of your posts, it's gonna take me some time to digest all that stuff. I'll give you a more detailed reply once I've sorted it all out. I do appreciate you taking the time to go into such great detail, I'm sure it will help a lot.

terocious,
I haven't yet had the time to do the d/l... I'll get to it later this morning. Thanks for posting the link... or thanks daf! Oh, BTW... where's the "http" button? I don't seem to have one on my HP keyboard.

Jag,
Thanks again for giving it up man. I continue to get real solid advice in this forum... good, bad or indifferent, I'm taking it all in. All of this stuff I feel is constructive! That which doesn't kill you will make you stronger.


Thanks again to all,
bd
 
terocious,
I finally got a chance to listen to your stuff. I've gotta say, it's very interesting.... to say the least. First impression was Native American, but as I listened, it began to remind me of some of the old (70's) Firesign Theatre stuff I used to listen to. I liked it a lot believe it or not. I do think there's some room in there for some musical accompanyment (sp?), in fact I had a few things running through my head. Good stuff.


bd
 
bdbdbuck,
Anytime is good for me. Here, Through Private message or not at all. We are all busy people. Your asking me just go me to the point of posting a link and that in and of itself was a big hurdle for me. I assumed the http button would be here somewhere on the post reply page but I do not see it either. Uhmm, Dafduc?
 
Wow thanks, we must have been posting at the same time. Yes room for music. I agree. Firesign and Native American Hmm... Thanks for taking your time. It is great to have anothers opinion.
 
dafduc,
You are pretty darn good at teaching while leaving the student something to learn on their own.

Many Thanks
 
bdbdbuck said:
Joro,
Thanks again man, your post made a lot of sense to me. That's exactly why I posted this tune here. BTW...am I gonna have to come up there and form a search party for Ralph? With all the stuff he's got goin on there, you may want to check on him! He's liable to be collapsed under a piano somewhere LOL! You mentioned a collab sometime back...whatchagotinmind?


bd
Click to expand...

Ralph??
Last I heard he was gigging like a mad man....and managing the details of junior's Eupoean tour...
Busy fellow....frickin' unbeleivable musician/writer too...ya know?

collab??:D
You bet man...
what's your weapon of choice?
do you wanna write the lyric?
the music?
genre?
let me know man...I am always up for a collab...it will be cool..ya know? :D
Take it easy BD,
Joe
 
Hey joro,
I'm going to Ohio for the holiday to try and drag my old drummer out from underneath a table in one of the local taverns over there. I'll take my guitar and work on a new tune. I've got a few things working already with other folks... Ralph for one... but it's good therapy for me to keep working up new stuff. I'll PM ya when I get something together. Thanks bro.


bd

PS. I figured out how to get the "enhanced mode"... I even have a suitable avatar now! Great that there was a dinosaur... that's me!
 
Hey Buck!

How's it goin man? Firstly I didn't find a whole lot of cliche in this song. Sounds like a decent song to me Buck!

On the general topic of cliche's in lyric writing: I stay away from them! If I find something that's cliche in a song I am writing, I will do everything I can to find another way of conveying the thought in that line. Even if it has to sit on my desk collecting dust until I get what I'm looking for.

JMHO

Limoguy
 
I don't know if you'd call them cliches or what, but there are a lot of common and familiar phrases that have been used so often that they don't make the ear perk up any longer.


I just can’t live without you
I’m gonna love you until I die



Starin into space
I can always see your face


There’s just something about you
I’m gonna love you until I die

We've heard so many songs with these phrases that they aren't new to us anymore. Of course, I'm totally forgiven because I've NEVER EVER used a cliche or old worn out phrase in any of my stuff. :D Well, maybe once....or twice..or more!

Anyway, I think that was what the guy was trying to say. What it all boils down to is that writing great lyrics is a BITCH!!! The hurdle is to find a fresh way to express the same subjects, such as love. If it were easy, we'd all write hit after hit.
 
Thanks Al,
I think this tune came to me so rapidly and some of the words were just kinda thrown in there "to make a rhyme work" but I've been guilty of that before! :D :confused:
Your point is well taken and well put. The part about writing hit after hit....All of your tunes are hits with me brother!

GEEZ Limoguy! You snuck up on me here! Thanks for the input and good luck with your endeavor....how's that goin btw?


bd
 
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