Can you have a listen / read and possibly give me some feedback ?

[witm8]

Morning,

I got bored over the weekend, so decided to try my hand at writing a song (tune, chords, and lyrics). This is the first ….. no actually second (but we’ll forget the first) …… time that I’ve tried to do this, usually I just mess around with cover version of songs that I like.

I have absolutely no idea what it’s like in terms of being a song – so maybe some feedback could help if I decide to have another bash at it.

I must point out that I have absolutely no crazy ideas of becoming a singer/songwriter, I’m quite happy with my current job, this is just something that I thought that I’ve have a bash at as I was getting bored.

https://soundcloud.com/tim-summers/my-song-11-copy-13

Comments so far (from my 10yr old boy) – my voice is not rough enough for Rock n Roll 

I actually tried to get a semi-structure to this so – wooowahhh go me! “A boy leaves home to become a singer. Meets some fella who already plays R&R. The fella says yeah you can play but try it like this, don’t try and be like me straight away (walking in my shoes but they don’t belong to you). Do something new, play R&R with me so I’ll teach new. Well, here’s the song, here’s the beat and here’s the groove, now I’m just as good as you (walking in your shoes but I don’t know who’s are who).

That kinda thing anyway ….

The lyrics are:

Here I am, I’m leaving town,
I’m dropping school and bumming around,
Steal myself a fancy car,
I’m going to become a rock and roll star

I’ve got a head full of dreams
And a paper and pad
And I’ve got a rusty guitar that I stole from my dad

Play rock and roll with me

This is nothing new
You’ve gotta feel the beat,
You’ve gotta feel the groove
Trying to walk in my shoes
But they don’t belong to you

Sing rock and roll with me

He said you can’t play
Why don’t you try and do it this way
This is how to play guitar
And smoke a cigarette like a superstar

Live rock and roll with me

Show me something new
Where is the beat?
Where is the groove?
You’re walking in my shoes
But they don’t belong to you

Play rock and roll with me

I’m coming out in style
You can’t forget about me baby
I’m gonna be around for a while.

Here is something new
Here’s the beat?
Here’s the groove?
How cool does he appear
How cool is his career

Sing rock and roll with me

We don’t need no one , to tell us who to be

This is something new
It's got the the beat?
It's got the the groove?
I’m walking in your shoes
But I don’t know who’s are who

So be rock and roll like me

You can have yours another time
But I’ll say

Be rock and roll like me.

 

[songcatmusic]

Try to make it more catchy. It's very monotone at the moment and I'm missing the part that makes me wanna keep listening to the song and not skip to the next song. But considering that this is the second song you've written not a bad job at all. Your son is right btw... ;-)