I hate that snare man! I just like a nice tight snap when it comes to snares, nothing personal. The mix is missing a warm, defined low end and everything else might be a little bright for me. The rapping is on time though. There's a thinness going on that's taking away from your very excellent vocals. Something needs to fill up the mix, it could be the lack of warmth, I'm not sure.
I think you should do some key changes and some timing changes. So far, most of the tunes I've listened to in the clinic are seriously lacking in this department. Time changes and key changes make song way more interesting in my opinion. I know it's not always an easy thing to do, but if done right it has massive effect on the overall product.
You're on the right track brother, keep it up.