An original song demo. Critiques welcomed

[moohead]

This is a song started years ago upon the passing of my dog. I am not a singer...but it turns out my 16 year old niece IS!! She has graciously sung this for me.

My niece has had no formal vocal training, so any comments would be helpful. I know I'm new here...she is only visiting for a week, and she doesn't have studio access where she lives. I'd love to hear your ideas and critiques.

The arrangement as represented is bare bones simple. I can hear orchestration in the last chorus in my head, but haven't gotten there, yet.

This is a simple arrangement. Guitar work et al to come later (the hole from 34-43 will be a flatbed guitar solo). Thanks for listening.

Marc

 

[madmush]

i think it's beautiful, and i wonder what you want to add....ok, a solo......i'd leave the orchestra out...... it's very nice as it is

there's a slight glitch at 2:38, i thought at first it was the vocal, but i think it's the bass?.....

EDIT: Reminds me of Sally Oldfield (and Mike...)!

...

 

[undrgrnd studio]

Nice song

The song is well written and meticulously performed by both of you. It sounds like its all keyboard however. It gives the song a canned karaoke sound. The keys sound, well like keys and not like piano or organ or anything else. Very synthasized sound. If I were you I would try recording it with some non digital instruments to ive it some warmth and feeling.

Like i said though, the performance was technically and emotionally good on piano and vocals, just a little flat in the timbre department.

 

[moohead]

Absolutely correct!

This is a keyboard demo. The girl is visiting for 10 days so I'm getting as much audio as I can. There will be real guitars in the finished product. It sounds sterile instrumentally because i'm a writer not a player. That will be corrected by good players!

Thank you for your insights. I'm always looking for ideas.

Marc