A rough sketch...whatcha think?

  • Thread starter Thread starter gmiller1122
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gmiller1122

gmiller1122

Addled but happy
Here's a song that's very rough, but I like the mood.

I played around with a lead guitar, but can't get anything that fits. I'd like to add some percussion, too.

Any thoughts? (on anything...the lyrics, the vocals, the tremolo, the mix...whatever strikes you -- or makes you shudder :D )

Thanks for your time.


"Things You Have to Keep"

http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=1334&alid=48
 
yeah, that's my dog barking in the first few secs. what a little showoff...
 
too quiet. Some limiting or even normalizing would be in order.

Nice effort overall.

Funk on
 
Hey gmiller1122,

Drums need to go up and cut some of that reverb off. The bass sounds like it has a nice tone but should come up with the d track. The vox eq thang is decent but, I'd get rid of it after the first verse and let a little more natural voice set in. I had a hard time understanding the words but, the topic is enticing.
The song needs to build more and become fuller throughout. Try some panning and added elements. Let the gits in there more on each side.

I dig the concept of the tune but, would say that it needs some "kick to the ass".

Definitly something worth working at. As it stands, it is rote and flacid. I think with some additional attention this song could bit with fangs.

Keep plugging away,

Theron.
 
hey g, I like the mood but the mix is not good.. The vocals are too loud compared to the music in some parts..IMHOP. They dont blend well with the music.. The song is decent and I would remix it at least.. I like the dog bark :D

later
sam (B.Sabbath)
 
agree with everything they have mentioned. The vocal isn't really fitting in. It really sounds like you were not singing loud enough to express yourself. was it the situation that limits your volume??
I used to sing real quiet when living in a dorm, and my vocal tracks sounded kinda like what you are getting right now.

AL
 
Thanks for all the comments, guys.

I know the recording is very rough. I layed down the tracks very quickly before I forgot anything. I'll be going back and re-recording all the tracks in the coming weeks.

was it the situation that limits your volume??

Not really, AL. There are times when I can't record due to people being around, but the more I sing this song, the more sinister the vocals become, so I was trying to embellish that a bit, using my distortion and wah pedals.

The song is decent and I would remix it at least.. I like the dog bark

Sam: Thanks. The song structure overall is what I'm really concerned w/at this point.

it needs some "kick to the ass".

Theron: Yeah, I feel the same way. I'm looking to add some more percussion and a lead guitar or two.

Thanks again!;)
 
I would use the "AM radio" voice a bit more sparringly. Perhaps use it only in the first or last verse. I would also offer similar advice with the tremelo effect on the guitar. It got a bit too much after a while. I think the vocals stood out a bit too much.

I thought the song had a decent enought feel to it. I rather liked it musically. Maybe pick up the tempo too.
 
I second the kick in the ass comment. It's a good song but needs some variety. I like the bass line.

The melody becomes a bit routine after a while. Keep the dog bark. Maybe speed it up a bit and do something with the drums. They sound too artificial as is.

Oh, and can you maybe bring this down to like 192kbs or lower? 9 megs is a big download.
 
Thanks for the advice, Erich -- I tried speeding it up today, and I'm not sure if I like it. But I'll keep listening.

I've fiddled with the drum track a bit, too. I don't know where the hell the reverb is coming from! :confused:

The drums are from a keyboard, actually. I have a drum set, but where I am, I am unable to set it up.

Any advice on a decent rhythm machine?

Thanks again, folks.
 
Cool tune!
Nice Tremelo guitar,was the bass real,sounds good.
How did you record it?

I listened to your other song,if you used both vocal sounds in differant parts of "Things You Have to Keep" might sound good.
Just my 2 cents.

You might want to check out the Zoom drum machines,pretty nice.

Best to you,
Pete
 
Pete -

"Cool tune!"

Thanks, the more I work on it, the more I like it. I'll be posting a remix soon.

"was the bass real... How did you record it?"

Yep, that's me. It's a Squire Jazz through a Fender KXR. My little bro is much better, so I'll have him do a tighter track soon.

As for adding another vocal track, I'm planning on working that out, too.

Thanks again!

g

(damn, this site is cool):D
 
I have to agree with the majority here. I'm not real well versed on this style of music, but it felt like this could really use a well-defined bridge or chorus -- it was too much of what started as a good idea.

Same goes for the vocal tone -- I really liked it at the start, but was ready for something different a couple minutes in.

Mix-wise, the vocals do seem too loud and the overall level too soft. Beyond that, I think the arrangement issues are where to focus...

I think you've got the right tempo, a good feel, etc. but some structural/tonal would really make this tune shine.

J
http://www.mp3.com/30SoS

P.S. The Boss DR series drum machines are nice for the money. The Zoom stuff has some better sounds, Boss has more features -- depends on how much you wanna do with it. Either are good.
 
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