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  • Thread starter Thread starter twonky
  • Start date Start date
Mr. Rickles! Please your jokes are so funny- they make me weep...Literally!
 
Rene Descarte walks into a bar and orders a beer. He downs the beer in one gulp. The bartender askes him "you want another one", and he says "I think not", and disapeares.
 
Bdgr said:
BRUCE walks into a bar and orders a beer. He downs the beer in one gulp. The bartender askes him "you want another one", and he says "I think not", and disapeares.
Click to expand...

...He went to the next bar. Sitting there between two gentelmen. Bartender asked to the right next to him :

You...?
Jhonny Walker, Single...

And you...? (To the left next to him)
Jack Daniels, Single...

And you ? (To him...)
Bruce... Married...
 
Einstien and Nietzsche walk into a casino and find God at the craps table.
 
A 32-year-old Haitian male walks into a bar.

He presents with ankylosing spodyarthirits and a duck under his arm. He tells the bartender, "My serum alkaline phospatase is elevated with .05 mg/L of meperidine in my plasma and I bet $100 my duck can shit into a shotglass ten feet away."

The bartender says, "Is this just an ordinary duck who has not been administered a dose of Baclofen or Cyclobenzaprine?"

The Haitian says "Well, lumbar puncture has been performed and revealed gram-negative cocci and decreased leukocytes, but other than that, it's an ordinary duck."

"You got a bet if I can perform a rectal biopsy and independent bloodwork."

"Of course."

The bartender puts a shotglass on the bar about seven feet away indicating either excessive confidence or a partial loss of visual acuity. The duck passes a reddish, gelatinous-looking stool right onto the bar and nowhere near the shotglass. The bartender laughs and says, "Either you're the dumbest ankylosing Haitian I ever met or you're suffering from cerebral hemorrhage."

The Haitian, without increase in BP, pulls out a hundred dollar bill and says, "I may be a dumb ankylosing Haitian, but I just bet those first-year interns in the corner 500 bucks a piece I could get my duck to shit all over your bar and you'd laugh about it."

The duck is most likely suffering a deficiency of:

A. Ceftriaxone
B. Erythromycin
C. Methicillin
D. Tetracycline
E. Vancomycin
 
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side!
 
A rabbi, a priest, a cowboy, a duck, and a string walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
 
Bdgr said:
A rabbi, a priest, a cowboy, a duck, and a string walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Click to expand...

Was that ?
:D
 
Bdgr said:
I once had a dog who thought he was stereo, but it was just a phase he was going through. He didnt like to talk about it later
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Once he'd gone through this phase and come out of it, was he then out of phase? That would make him dual mono, wouldn't it?

So he may be the only dog in the world who was both stereo and dual mono and not a remastered HMV re-issue.
Now that's a dog who should be famous!

Sort of like J. Lo

foo
 
I tried to get him on the talk show circuit but he was pretty biased against it. I mean, you try to make sure you pet is well grounded, and try to remain positive, but some times you just cant intterupt the negative cycle they drift into. As the master you just have to throw something positive in the mix, and hope things balance out.
 
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