Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 20

Thread: Jokes!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Clinton, NC
    Posts
    5,745
    Thanks
    483
    Thanked 448 Times in 421 Posts
    Rep Power
    10005772

    Jokes!

    Sign in to disable this ad
    Noticed that they killed the Jokes! thread when they cleaned up. Don't know if that was intentional to keep my warped sense of humor away...but I'll try to start it off.

    Why did the capacitor kiss the diode?
    He just couldn't resistor.

    ...and for you PinkZeppelin fans:

    Soundcloud Page
    I don't care about my ego, I care about my mixes--Just say what you mean.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Tampa, Fl.
    Posts
    1,224
    Thanks
    309
    Thanked 170 Times in 162 Posts
    Rep Power
    733384
    I think there was something wrong with the thread. I tried several times to post in it and it wouldn't allow it. Let's see if this one works..
    ____________________

    Two guys were hiking through the forest. Suddenly, a large bear appears and growls. One hiker immediately sits down, removes his hiking
    shoes and puts on his running shoes from his pack. The other hiker says, "Those won't help. You can't outrun a bear." The first hiker replies,
    "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
    Failure - - the path of least persistence
    And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Clinton, NC
    Posts
    5,745
    Thanks
    483
    Thanked 448 Times in 421 Posts
    Rep Power
    10005772
    Atheist is out for a stroll in the woods when he comes upon a bear. He runs as hard as he can, but trips and lands completely sprawled out on the ground.
    Suddenly he screams, "God, I've never believed in you, but if you exist, make this bear a Christian." Time stands still as his request is yelled at the sky.. everything around him slows to a crawl as the bear runs up in slow motion.
    The bear stops right next to him, kneels down on two legs, folds the front paws together, bows his head, and as time resumes it's normal rate the bear says, "Father we thank you for this blessing we are about to eat, Amen"...


    Bear walks into a bar and says, "Bartender get me a beer!"
    Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve bears beer in this bar."
    Bear retorts, "See the lady at the end of the bar...if I don't get a beer by the count of three, I'm going to go down there and eat her."
    ONE
    TWO
    THREE!
    ...and the bear goes to the end of the bar and eats the lady.
    As he returns to his stool, he says, "NOW! Get me a beer!"
    The bartender calmly replies, "Sorry, we don't serve bears beer in this bar."
    Bear growls out, "Okay, then you'll be next."
    Bartender says, "I have nothing to fear. You'll be sound asleep soon"
    Bear asks, "Why would you say that?"
    "That was a bar bitch you ate."
    Soundcloud Page
    I don't care about my ego, I care about my mixes--Just say what you mean.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Tampa, Fl.
    Posts
    1,224
    Thanks
    309
    Thanked 170 Times in 162 Posts
    Rep Power
    733384
    Termite walks into a bar: "Is the bar tender here?"
    Failure - - the path of least persistence
    And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    Joisey
    Posts
    10,527
    Thanks
    13
    Thanked 44 Times in 37 Posts
    Rep Power
    9012900
    Sorry but based on the input so far, this thread deserves to die too.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    5,338
    Thanks
    75
    Thanked 105 Times in 99 Posts
    Rep Power
    4662822
    Quote Originally Posted by spantini View Post
    Termite walks into a bar: "Is the bar tender here?"
    Snail comes into a bar, finally gets up to ask for a beer....the bartender nods to the bouncer and the has bouncer toss the Snail out to the curb. About a week later the Snail is back and asks the bartender "what'd you do that for?"

    if it's not happening in the room, it ain't gonna happen on tape.-H.Gerst

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Sri Lanka
    Posts
    67
    Thanks
    22
    Thanked 15 Times in 13 Posts
    Rep Power
    92545
    Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking crack and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and persuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
    Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
    "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
    "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
    "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle)is your brain after drugs."
    "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
    "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
    "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
    "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "This is your a--hole before prison...."
    Old men start wars. Young men fight them. And everyone in the middle gets killed. War is natural. Peace is accidental.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Tampa, Fl.
    Posts
    1,224
    Thanks
    309
    Thanked 170 Times in 162 Posts
    Rep Power
    733384
    Now that's funny right there
    Failure - - the path of least persistence
    And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... DAMN.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Clinton, NC
    Posts
    5,745
    Thanks
    483
    Thanked 448 Times in 421 Posts
    Rep Power
    10005772
    My wife had a DNA check on our son. She found out he has none of our genetic markers and came and asked me what we should do...

    I asked her if she remembered the day of his birth. She said yes, what's that got to do with this?

    I reminded her that on the way out of the hospital the baby pooped, and she told me to go and change him...So I left him there and got a clean one.
    Soundcloud Page
    I don't care about my ego, I care about my mixes--Just say what you mean.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    The Point
    Posts
    987
    Thanks
    50
    Thanked 73 Times in 59 Posts
    Rep Power
    21354750
    Arizona bikers were riding South on the US-93 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Hoover Dam Bridge.

    So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby..... whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

    She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

    While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"

    So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering
    kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

    After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

    "My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."

    It's unclear whether he fell over or jumped.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •