Could you give me thoughts on my lyrics? Criticism is welcomed!!!!!!

[jadenwachowski]

Shattered hearts and broken dreams
Kids playing in the streets
Voices echo in the dark

Sitting here, feeling doomed
Like there's nothing left for you
Did you leave your mark?

Though you may feel this way
Save it for another day
and just keep dreaming on

The world doesn't stop for you
Gotta keep pushing through
Just make it to dawn

Some mistakes can't be erased
But yours aren't deep enough to leave a trace
Just give it time

Don't care what people think of you
They can't see from your point of view
Just hold onto enough hope to get by.

 

[markmann]

I think it's a good start but there are issues.
1. The first line doesn't make sense to me.

2. You seem to be talking in second and third point of view and first could also be implied which seems odd:
"Sitting here feeling doomed" 1st
"Like there's nothing left for you" 2nd

3.Either you or some person is feeling doomed. Why? What's the result?
The lyrics just don't go anywhere for me. I start to get drawn in and then don't develop into anything.

 

[Old Music Guy]

Don't care what people think of you
They can't see from your point of view
Just hold onto enough hope to get by.

"I don't care what they think of you
They don't see you, from my point of view
Just have (keep, save, just keep enough hope in your ((soul, heart, mind)) enough hope get by"
[Insert here something that ties that verse together; rhymes with an "eye" sound". Think of making that line title of your song.}
If you give lyrics to a musician, they have to relay some kind of meter (or tempo) so that we can build a chord structure around it.
Think that rarely, songs are in "3" Mostly in sets of 4.

You need a chorus. Build the verses around the chorus. That's what you need to sell. That is what all the verses point to. @markmann has great points. Grammar is important.

3.Either you or some person is feeling doomed. Why? What's the result?
The lyrics just don't go anywhere for me. I start to get drawn in and then don't develop into anything.

Good critique.

I like the theme and the "visual". Nice work!

 

[jtees4]

I can't tell without hearing the song...I see no problem with your lyrics. I mean, seriously....some huge hit songs have terrible lyrics....this one always bothered me and still does

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?

Just do better than that and trust yourself.

 

[Old Music Guy]

I think @jadenwachowski has left the building.
I hope not.

But I like your relpy @jtees4