I appreciate the thoughts a lot. I think I’m going to let the writer/singer make the edits, if any. He may put 2 verses back in and kill the “bridge” that I wrote.
I’m not really too concerned about the time. We aren’t making radio hits here. But that’s no reason to have extra words/verses.
In short - I think I agree with you, and I appreciate the time you took
Since the song is still in the works I think you are looking more for comment on the tune itself and not so much the mix right?
I think the tune has potential. I like the chord changes and melody you applied. The subject matter is pretty good for country. Keeping the homestead going because of a promise to dad, missing out on a big world out there, and aging.
In my opinion, as is, the lyric is a little too dark and depressing. Also, it begs the question: "if mom and dad are gone why in the hell are you still there busting your ass?"
So, I think the song needs an uplift. I think a chorus with a soaring melody that explains why the guy is still there breaking his back. The pay off of the song you know?
Something like:
Daddy you are always on my mind,
Can you see the homeplace through my eyes?
I hung it in through pain and doubt
You and mama would be so proud.
I know that now you're both hand in hand,
That promise made me a better man...
Blood is thicker than water.
Or something along those lines...to give the listener that "yeah, I get it now!" moment in the song.
I like the bridge by the way, but the "a life of regret" line in it would not fit an uplifting chorus.
People love a song about a driven person keeping a pro.ise through thick and thin out of love, and respect, and to honor kinfolks...with pride and no regrets.
Not so much a song that regret is the theme of the song.
Does that make sense?
I agree that the song would benifit from losing a verse or 2
My 2 cents