Shipwrecked

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mr Clean
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Mr Clean

Mr Clean

AKA Teddy Wong
I wrote this 'not so cryptic' song for/about my wife before we got together. We were both very good friends in bad places at the time but that didn't last for long and all turned out well in the end. :D

It's only a short little thing and the strings are rubbish but they're all I have to work with for now. Maybe one day......

I've only recorded this for my mum's pleasure anyway. It's her favourite song of mine. But I thought I'd share it here and see what you good folk think.



LYRICS
I am on the bottom of the ocean
Where time is so empty and waiting is all I can do

I lie here, bitter and twisted and broken
Praying to God for some mercy or love or rescue

And you whispered oh so sweet words of devotion
But I cannot fathom you out from the things that you do

I oh I hope that you can keep floatin’
‘Cause I’d hate to think that you’d sink and end up shipwrecked too.

I am on the bottom of the ocean
Shipwrecked and empty and waiting is all I can do
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Cheers :thumbs up:
 
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Really like this, only nit...and this just may be my system..or my ears today, but vocals seem just a tad to up front or loud...great guitar, I really like your style of playing/vocal......thumbs up!
 
Cheers for listening and commenting mate. Appreciate it. I think you were right about the vocals being a touch too loud. I've dropped them down a touch now :D

Cheers :thumbs up:
 
Nice guitar playing. I could do without the strings. Not cuz they're bad, but I think it would just be more...what's the word? Raw and open? Personal? Without the strings filling up everything. Nice words and vocals.
 
I agree with Greg. Without the strings it would sound real and raw. Without them I would imagine seeing you singing this alone on a stage while everyone is captivated. With the strings I imagine seeing you singing this alone on a stage while I go and get more bacon at the brunch buffet. ;)
 
Lucky wife! ;) Thanks for sharing. I really like your playing and the change at :50, it's very sweet. That bit in particular reminded me a bit of 'Falling' by Al Stewart.
 
Cheers Duck. :D I don't know that song you mention but I'll look it up

:thumbs up:
 
Great song! I like the strings :-) Vocals are in the right spot now.
 
ido1957 said:
Great song! I like the strings :-) Vocals are in the right spot now.
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Thanks mate. I re-did those strings today. I bit the bullet and purchased some decent VSTi synths and I'm most pleased that I did. I think it sounds better than the last version. I know some would prefer without strings but I like them. Fills out the sound. Not perfect but gets what's in my head in to the DAW. Works for me.

:thumbs up:
 
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This is pretty good man. Nice guitar playing and a fine vocal performance. I thought the background strings were pretty subtle and worked well. I wasn't expecting the full-on strings interlude, but it pretty much works.

The ending was a little sudden and took me off guard, but I kind of like that.
 
heatmiser said:
This is pretty good man. Nice guitar playing and a fine vocal performance. I thought the background strings were pretty subtle and worked well. I wasn't expecting the full-on strings interlude, but it pretty much works.

The ending was a little sudden and took me off guard, but I kind of like that.
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Thanks mate. Glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate the feedback :thumbs up:
 
The string don't sound too bad - they are a little whiney/sentimental though.
The arrangement of the strings - or the lines you played are pretty bog standard - a 'cello line would have been better than the violin/viola you used and a bit of muscularity in their arrangement would have been a boost - at present they're just a minor distraction within what is a very good song & performance.
 
Lovely song. Touching lyrics.
No wonder she came to rescue you :)
 
rayc said:
The string don't sound too bad - they are a little whiney/sentimental though.
The arrangement of the strings - or the lines you played are pretty bog standard - a 'cello line would have been better than the violin/viola you used and a bit of muscularity in their arrangement would have been a boost - at present they're just a minor distraction within what is a very good song & performance.
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Thanks for the feedback Ray. Appreciate your comments. I tried to keep it as simple as possible as it's a simple little song. I didn't want to go overboard production-wise. I'll probably revisit this song in the next week or so and have a tinker with it. I'm never finished. :D

Some like the strings, others don't. Can't please everyone all the time.

TMS said:
Lovely song. Touching lyrics.
No wonder she came to rescue you :)
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Thank you TMS. Glad you liked it.
 
Not too bad. The mixed seemed very narrow, but for this type of music, I almost prefer it. Strings don't do much for the mix, either. Enjoyed the song! Thanks for sharing.
 
Mr Clean said:
Cheers for listening and the feedback :thumbs up:
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Just wanted to say again how much I like this tune, I've listened to it about 10 times now and each time I think - shit...this should be on my mp3 player. :)
 
nice tune, man. i think the keys are a nice foil for the pretty much straight acoustic arraingement.
 
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