Song lyrics, opinions needed!

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Jordazjc

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I couldn't sleep last night, so I wrote some lyrics to ease my mind.

Any opinion you could give, whether you think it could be better, think it should be changed, hate it, or love it, is appreciated.

As of now, I don't have a name for it, although I doubt it would be hard to come up with one.

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Why are we so simple?
But why are we so hard to read?

Why do we try to become so strong,
When wounds will always bleed?

And why do we protest so damn much,
When human nature is so hard to feed?

Oh why,
Why are we?


Who are we to say what’s in the shadows,
When none have the light to see?

Who are we to say our cause is just,
When we can kill another so easily?

And who are we to ask these things,
When we as humans just exist to be?

Oh, who,
Who are we?


When will we stop to look at life,
And see nothing but beauty?

When will we stop our trigger fingers,
And live upon this earth peacefully?

And when will we stop running for that goal,
And live with what we have happily,

Oh, when,
When will we?


Where will we all go on the day,
When our hatred leaves no place to be?

Where will we one day belong,
When we dismiss everything we can’t see?

And where will you be years from now,
When you live as you did previously?


Oh, where,
Where will you be?


What is the point in searching endlessly for meaning,
When you’re never truly happy?

What is the point in tryin’ to make those around you
See the way you see?

And what are we as humans to love a select few,
Yet kill others so eagerly?

Oh, what,
What are we?
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And that's it. Opinions would be appreciated.
 
Do you have a musical setting in mind?

As I read it it seemed it would benefit from greater attention to metering. but that would depend to some extent on how it is sung.

Some of your questions don't fit the phrase that follows as neatly as they could. You may want to life with this one a little and see what you think.

I'd say this is worth hanging with and some tinkering.
 
Yeah, I have been trying out different chord progressions to see which ones fit, and I figured it would be hard to iterpret how i would fit some of the lines in on time, seeing as there isn't a complete song yet.

But yeah, I see your point, and I figured eventually i'd see flaws in it. I will keep working on it however.

Thank you for your opinion!
 
Jordazjc said:
Yeah, I have been trying out different chord progressions to see which ones fit, and I figured it would be hard to iterpret how i would fit some of the lines in on time, seeing as there isn't a complete song yet.

But yeah, I see your point, and I figured eventually i'd see flaws in it. I will keep working on it however.

Thank you for your opinion!
Click to expand...

I'd like to give you some advice with your lyrics. But the easiest thing to do would be to read my book. I can email it to you for free, or you can send me a check for the hard copy. I've spent 30 years writing The Little Shop of Lyrics. You can ignore this reply or take the ball and run with it. It starts with a PM. I will give you the book for free if you want to read on screen. Hundreds of songwriters have utilized it.

Wig:)
 
Wig's Little Shop Of Lyrics is excellent, and I think it is very generous of him to offer it freely.

-Mike
 
Milnoque said:
Do you have a musical setting in mind?

As I read it it seemed it would benefit from greater attention to metering. but that would depend to some extent on how it is sung.
Click to expand...

I totally agree here. In my band I'm the principle song writer (when it comes to lyrics anyway) and I'm also the singer. When any of the other guys write lyrics, they tend to write what they think is cool without really thinking ahead of how the hell I'm going to sing them over the music and it usually ends up with me cutting out words or changing the lyrics to better fit the song.

So keep in mind that while you may have great lyrics, it's pretty damn important for them to be able to naturally fit into the music of the song.
 
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