I've heard comments of this nature hundreds times ... but that's sort of the challenge faced by all home recordists ... and one of particular peculiar.
We, the band, me, doesn't play in the same room, so we, the band, me, do our/my best to "fake the room" ... and I'm not sure that we, the band, me ... ok, I'll stop that ...
... I'm not certain that I can't do an adequate job of reconstructing what studios do these days too ... for they too, have adapted to the track one performs in NY, then send me your tracks from LA and save the plane ticket and lodging cost too. They so do. So the sound of the times becomes the economic of the times ... not the same room.
Kick must stay dry ... unless it is the right sound otherwise ... God help you with those reverberations.
But, to your point, I added a LOT of back space to the snare ... and I like dry toms and hi hat ... so I almost never add BIG surrounding air to those. I want them heard clear with punch and definition, not confused diffused in a mix ... unless of course that's the sound I want. It's ALL about learning enough how to use the tools available (there aren't a lot) to sculpt the sound you want to hear. One must only learn what they do and how they interact.
I don't know about others here, but this just occurred to me. I (and others I know) have been here a long time. We came seeking knowledge and learned while here through the flame wars that won nothing. (This is NOT a comment on prior post ... just a little acknowledgement of ... here)
What you hear here from me, is partly because of the challenging fires one forges knowledge from the flames here ... and I've still MILES to learn. Sadly, my day gig keeps me tied to what I need to do to pay my bills ... but this is the passion I could do, if only there was any money in it.