Under the Blood Red Sky

E

esull0585

New member
Hey, here are some lyrics I'm working on, let me know what ya think, good or bad, as always :)

Under the Blood Red Sky

Autumn days
climbing trees
ignorant
to the dying leaves
I didn't know
you were one of 'em
until you fell down

Being born's
a loaded gun
bound by nature
to be shot
when it happens
will ya run
or give yourself back

Under the blood red sky
that's where I made up my mind
I'm leaving here tonight
Something I gotta find

Come spring time
and baby blue skies
all the birds are
singing
we're growin young
a million songs were sung
all about nothing
 
It reads like four first verses

This is just an opinion but your ideas seem unconnected to me.
 
Milnoque said:
It reads like four first verses

This is just an opinion but your ideas seem unconnected to me.
Click to expand...
Right on. Sometimes when I can't stay focused I just go with the flow, whatever comes to mind that sounds alright. So maybe I should take the first first verse (lol) and try to write from that in a way that isn't so unconnected. I'll try it out and post it back up when I'm done to see what ya think.
 
Milnoque said:
It reads like four first verses

This is just an opinion but your ideas seem unconnected to me.
Click to expand...

I think that's true and pretty perceptive. But if this was contained within an absolute shit hot AK47 firing palooka of a tune, with a vocal that made you want to race out into the street and hug the first cop or giraffe that you saw, would it matter ?
 
grimtraveller said:
I think that's true and pretty perceptive. But if this was contained within an absolute shit hot AK47 firing palooka of a tune, with a vocal that made you want to race out into the street and hug the first cop or giraffe that you saw, would it matter ?
Click to expand...
Hahaha, so should I take that as a good thing?
 
esull0585 said:
Hahaha, so should I take that as a good thing?
Click to expand...

Well, yeah, in the sense that a lyric can be fantastic or awful but what really matters, at least for me, is it's setting. If the song is a good one, I'll be singing it loudly down the motorway, even if the lyrics are rubbish. I mean, it's a bit weird, me singing
"You make me feel like a natural woman"
but I will, coz I dig the song.
Sometimes a lyric will stand out but generally, I need it to know it's place !
 
grimtraveller said:
Well, yeah, in the sense that a lyric can be fantastic or awful but what really matters, at least for me, is it's setting. If the song is a good one, I'll be singing it loudly down the motorway, even if the lyrics are rubbish. I mean, it's a bit weird, me singing
"You make me feel like a natural woman"
but I will, coz I dig the song.
Sometimes a lyric will stand out but generally, I need it to know it's place !
Click to expand...
Oh alright, I get what you're saying. But the lyrics alone, you don't think them awful do you?
 
grimtraveller said:
I think that's true and pretty perceptive. But if this was contained within an absolute shit hot AK47 firing palooka of a tune, with a vocal that made you want to race out into the street and hug the first cop or giraffe that you saw, would it matter ?
Click to expand...

Absolutely true. Take it a step farther, If I were to name any song that I thought had the worst lyrics ever written, Someone would chime in and tell me it was a work of the highest art. That song "You Spin Me Right Round" from the '80s probably saved somebody's life for real.

But, I figure if you write the best lyrics you can and put them with the best music you can make, you give yourself two chances at a good song.

My two cents
 
Duh nuh nuh nuh....

It's a lovely gentle song with a relaxed feel, yet there's something, um, disturbing bubbling under the surface that gives it an interesting tension.
That the vocal isn't crystal clear works in it's favour in creating that tension.
I like the song.
 
Thanks a lot. That's what I was going for. I just wish I could get my girlfriend to stop cleaning and the kids outside to be silent as I'm recording on the 8-track, lol.
 
I like it. It sings better than it reads - as do all lyrics I suppose! I like the casual da da dah dah's, they work well with the mellow feeling of the song. I was hoping for a little solo to come through at some point. Any plans?
 
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