"You Still Won't Know (How Much I Love You)"

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mjr

mjr

ADD -- blessing and curse
I've been on a jag lately...here's another I'm working on...

"You Still Won't Know (How Much I Love You)"
Copyright © 2006 Monte Richardson

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
and you still won't know how much I love you.
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
and you still won't know how much I love you.
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
and you still won't know how much I love you.
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
and you still won't know how much I love you.

-------------

Thoughts?
 
mjr said:
I've been on a jag lately...here's another I'm working on...

"You Still Won't Know (How Much I Love You)"
Copyright © 2006 Monte Richardson

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
and you still won't know how much I love you.
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
and you still won't know how much I love you.
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
and you still won't know how much I love you.
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
and you still won't know how much I love you.

-------------

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Hey Monte - you are indeed on a roll..... Good theme, rhymes, structure.

I find the hook line "and you still won't know how much I love you." a bit repetitive when I read it. I'd like to hear this in a melody to see if it has the same effect....

Other than that I really like where this is going......

:) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
Hey Monte - you are indeed on a roll..... Good theme, rhymes, structure.

I find the hook line "and you still won't know how much I love you." a bit repetitive when I read it. I'd like to hear this in a melody to see if it has the same effect....

Other than that I really like where this is going......

:) :D :) :D
Click to expand...

Let me change it up a bit...

"You Still Won't Know (How Much I Love You)"
Copyright © 2006 Monte Richardson

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could come right out and say it, just as plain as can be
I could do and say all the things that make you happy
and you still won't know how much I love you.

Kind of a different revision...
 
Good revision. Now when I read it the hook line becomes the "chorus" line .

I've got this yearning for a bridge between verse 2 and 3 now....

:D :) :D :)
 
ido1957 said:
Good revision. Now when I read it the hook line becomes the "chorus" line .

I've got this yearning for a bridge between verse 2 and 3 now....

:D :) :D :)
Click to expand...

Another thing I thought of doing was something like this:

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night.

and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
I could come right out and say it, just as plain as can be
I could do and say all the things that make you happy

and you still won't know how much I love you.

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.
----------
or even better:

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night.

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
I could come right out and say it, just as plain as can be
I could do and say all the things that make you happy

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.
 
I'm not a fan of overly direct love songs (it seems sooo many people write them and to me, it is just too easy topic to target):

That being said, your choice of phases are good and the line "I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better" is really good!
 
mjr said:
Another thing I thought of doing was something like this:

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night.

and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
I could come right out and say it, just as plain as can be
I could do and say all the things that make you happy

and you still won't know how much I love you.

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.
----------
or even better:

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night.

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
I could come right out and say it, just as plain as can be
I could do and say all the things that make you happy

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.
Click to expand...
These two are equally appealing - I'm stuck on which to choose. I prefer these both to the first two versions....
 
ido1957 said:
These two are equally appealing - I'm stuck on which to choose. I prefer these both to the first two versions....
Click to expand...

Cool. I think I'm leaning toward the second one...

I'm thinking upbeat for this one...maybe a little rasp in my voice...
 
sooooooooo.........
how did this all turn out...?
I'm dying to listen!!!! :)
 
superspit said:
sooooooooo.........
how did this all turn out...?
I'm dying to listen!!!! :)
Click to expand...

Well, I decided to go with this version:

Baby I could buy you flowers, or write you love letters
I could look in a dictionary to try to say it better
I could take you to a romantic dinner, buy a fancy wine
I could make sweet, soft love to you all night.

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.

I could write it in the sky, or write it in the sand
I could whisper it in your ear, or take you by the hand
I could come right out and say it, just as plain as can be
I could do and say all the things that make you happy

and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know
and you still won't know how much I love you.
----------------------------
But I haven't had a chance to record it yet.
 
I like the revised version. As IDOL thought, I felt the first version was too repetitive. It's a great reminder for everyone to see your song evolve into something that is even better. Too often we record too early in a tune's life and we get so much time invested it becomes difficult to rewrite. We have a tendency to 'fix it in time' before it is really ready. Nice job. ;)
The only change I would still make is to eliminate the first word "Baby". It's unnecessary and not always received well by the opposite gender. Just my $.02. Now go record it. :D :D :D
 
up-fiddler said:
I like the revised version. As IDOL thought, I felt the first version was too repetitive. It's a great reminder for everyone to see your song evolve into something that is even better. Too often we record too early in a tune's life and we get so much time invested it becomes difficult to rewrite. We have a tendency to 'fix it in time' before it is really ready. Nice job. ;)
The only change I would still make is to eliminate the first word "Baby". It's unnecessary and not always received well by the opposite gender. Just my $.02. Now go record it. :D :D :D
Click to expand...

What if I change "baby" to "girl"? Eliminating it all together would work, as well.

This might seem like a blinding flash of the obvious, but it seems to me the more I write songs, the better I get at it. I've been told I almost have a "talent" for it.
 
I think up-fiddler nails it....(if I understand his point on opposite-sex?)

Starting with baby/girl??
It really doesn't have to be a start to this wonderful script.
When you've completed the recording of this song, and it has the same 'general appeal' to both sexes, you may find he was right? ;)

Anyways...please let us know how you get on.....
Superspit. (a)
 
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