workin' on this...

  • Thread starter Thread starter LI Slim
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LI Slim

LI Slim

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Any response, advice, greatly appreciated.



I'm leaving you today, but I'm coming back
Don't know who's to blame, I'm not keeping track
So I'll return, I'm not giving up on you
And until then, there's one thing I have to do...


[chorus:]
I'm flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem (repeat twice)


I was always such a cool Jew
I can build a house and shoot pool
And all your love it just alienated me
The more you gave, the more hostility


So I'm flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem
Flyin' flyin' flyin', baby what a mess I've been,
Flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem

You can be consumed with thoughts of revenge
For wrongs that you are just imaginin'
So let it go, the way to make us strong
Is to return to where we all came from...

I'm flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem (repeat three times)
 
Hi Ya Slim,Ok my 2cents..LOL..Jerusalem..Humm how about "Holy Land" instead?its more open.

I'm flyin' to the holyland..

"I'm such a cool "Jew"
"Pool" is such a forced rhyme..do you think that you could get something different..If you use perfect rhyme you give the words less impact and alot less weight{IMHO}sometimes if you drop rhyme the phrase will have a memorable impact..Lets see if there is any diff. way to kick this..
"was always a jew who played by your rules"
"built your house and we ate with you"
"And now your love has alienated me"
"The more you gave.. I could feel the hostility"

Well I don't know if I hit what you were feelin'..Hope I helped ..Good Luck Bud

Don

PS..The rhymes that I used are are "inerhymes" ..exp.Jew/rules..
 
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Thanks Don. Good suggestions.

I guess my main concern right now is that the song is trying to operate on two levels, the personal and the global, and I wonder if people will just wonder what the fuck I'm talking about.
 
Damned if I know. The song insists on being written. I have nothing to do with it.


I guess.....

Two people who can't get together because of their emotional baggage need to go back to where they came from and accept who they are. Which is good advice for all people in conflict. Jerusalem, the symbolic birthplace of all Jews, Christians and Muslims.
 
My God! Does this mean I have to go back to New Jersey?!!!
Never, I tell you.....never!

Bob
 
Buffalo Bob said:
My God! Does this mean I have to go back to New Jersey?!!!
Never, I tell you.....never!

Bob
Click to expand...


Get thee to Jersey. Wash your feet in the swampland of your ancestors. Meditate for six hours on the Garden State Parkway. Then all will be clear.
 
"I'd rather be stark naked in the wilds of Alaska
Than be stranded in Camden, New Jersey"

Camden Rag, 1968
 
I decided those lyrics absolutely suck and I rewrote them almost completely. Tell me what you think....

FLYING TO JERUSALEM


We must end this fight, there’s no turnin’ back
Don’t care who’s to blame, I stopped keeping track
You’re hating me, and I’m ignoring you
So to survive, there’s one thing we must do

[chorus:]
We’re flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem (repeat twice)


Wand’rin’ through the desert all these years
One way or another the end is near
Our roots are planted in the sand
And so to stand I need to take your hand


We’re flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem ...


The holy land’s a very dang’rous place
If you take the risk to show your face
But your reward is finally to belong
Starting over where we started from


So go flyin' flyin' flyin', flyin' to Jerusalem,
Flyin’ flyin’ flyin’, let the other people in,
Flyin’ flyin’ flyin’, flyin’ to Jerusalem.
 
LI Slim,
I like it better. Definitely more of a global issue becoming personal. Good song. The use of Jerusalem works for me. And the " flyin' " has a good feeling of deliverance from the fear and hate of the times. Rising above it, going back to the beginning. Yep, the more I think about it the more I like it. Good work!

<><
George
 
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