Whiskey whispers

F

Fat_Satchel

I suffer Narcoleptic Rage
This has been thru several rewrites in the last few days and its gone in a few different directions along the way, all based around a couple lines. Its a fairly upbeat rhythym...somewhere around 120bpm...havent clicked it out yet, starting in C.

Imagine Greenday meets Dashboard confessional I guess...something like that lol

I think it still needs a bridge...its a bit short, even with some judicious chorus repeats at the end.

Lemme know what ya think. Cant wait till I can post some clips again...stewpyd enternit!

Whiskey whispers...err...or something...

VERSE:
She looked like smoke and mirrors
Tracing shadows on my mind
Her lace and diamond-hard appearance
Was just a sign of the times

She liked to wear the bright lights
The ones I kept turning down
She’s every sad song that I’ve ever known
Hell, that’s what kept me coming round

CHORUS:
Oh I’m faceless
She’s so hard to find
The whiskey whispers in my mind
I’m so wasted
She don’t have the time
The whiskey whispers in my mind

VERSE:
She said that she loved me
From the first time that we met
Now we’re just feeding the hunger
Of living life with no regrets

Though I don’t always miss her
I still wait for her to call
After all she is one of a kind
And it’s not that far to fall

CHORUS:
Oh I’m faceless
She’s so hard to find
The whiskey whispers in my mind
I’m so wasted
She don’t have the time
The whiskey whispers in my mind

Copyright © 2003 by Matt Brosnan
 
I like the imagery in the verses a lot, but I don't care for the choruses much. I like the phrase "Whiskey whispers" though. I think you should put it at the end of the hook, somehting like:

She's a blue-eyed devil
And I try to resist her
But the whiskey whispers

I try to break her spell
But every time I kiss her.
The whiskey whispers.


That's about all I can contribute, not having heard the music.


got mojo?
www.voodoovibe.com
 
ok i know i'm off base ...

you said it sounds like a cross between green day and dashboard but i keep seeing "country" images ......

maybe this way for a chorus ...

The whiskey whispers i go to find
A full bottle for my empty mind

well ,dang it i had it in my mind and went blank but just an idea you may want to build around ,if i remember what i was gonna say i'll write it down ...peace out
 
Thanks for taking the time to comment, much appreciated.

Aaron..."the whiskey whispers.." is one of the lines the song is based around...glad you like it. The original inspiration for the song went...

She looked like smoke and mirrors
And whiskey whispers in my mind

eventually I had to break them up as you see. I agree the chorus leaves me wondering if its right for the song or not but at some point Ive got to decide its finished hehe

FYI the song is about my alcoholism...based around a love affair with whiskey [sober now 11 yrs]. Notice everything is past tense except the chorus and the last stanza of the last verse. tried drawing a comparison between then and now...seems the chorus dont quite hold up its end from what you guys are saying

This is one of those songs that Ill probably never progress further than adding a bridge and recording the idea as its just really not my style. Like you pointed out Lester, it very easily could have a "country" feel to it cus it sounds ok with either open chords played slow or chunkin hard on power chords...oh yea...clicked the tempo out at 147bpm. MUCH faster then I thought it was.

Again...thanks for the input!

Anyone else feel like voicing thier opinion on this piece?
 
I dig it dude.

I'd like to hear it.

the only parts I didnt think fit were:

"She’s every sad song that I’ve ever known
Hell, that’s what kept me coming round"

I think that you should use the word "but" in place of hell. I think it makes it flow better.

and

"After all she is one of a kind
And it’s not that far to fall"

I would chage after all to "because" I think the words after all conjure up images of something very proper and it just doesnt fit well with the rest of the song.

These things are just personal tastes of mine though. The song is good just the way it is.

Cheers,
Joe
 
Certainly the phrase "Whiskey Whispers" is very good.

I think the images in the first verse are good. The chorus is a little weak, in particular since that's where you need to support your main "WW" phrase.

The 2nd verse is weaker than the 1st, but I really like the line "I don't always miss her, still I wait for her to call" .

You've got some very good lines, and while I understand you need to decide when the song is complete, I reallly think you've got some strong enough lines that with a little more work on chorus and maybe the 2nd verse, you'll have a quality song (lyric wise).

This is much better than most I what I see posted in the thread.
 
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