what is wrong with this song?

Just a few quick suggestions. Without a doubt, I think it needs more lowend. Also, the guitar part (slide?) is getting in the way of the vocals too much - pan it somewhere or do some EQ notching.
 
Its a good song idea. I'll start by saying that. The thing that is wrong with it is this. All of the lead instruments are kind of doing their own thing in regard to rhythm. You need a stronger bass line to tie everything together. When the vocals start you might want to try strumming the chords on the rhythm guitar instead of finger picking them. I read somewhere the complex harmonies should have simple melodies and simple melodies should have complex harmonies. The guitar part that doing the finger picking would make a nice intro, and the song sounds like it needs a 4 bar intro. When the vocal harmony starts it sounds like a chorus. During that part you might want try try harmonizing the music that you already have there with the bass line. The first thing I always try when writing the chorus is shifting the bass tonic to the relative major. Then harmonizing the following guitar chords with it. I doesn't always work, but sometimes it does.

You probabily wont like this section that I wrote but check it out anyways. Try to ignore the drums. They were programmed for a different song idea when I took it off my 4-track. Anyways its called "professional bass line."

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/3/hambergmusic.htm
I will put it on this site as soon as soundclick decides to work again...
 
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thanks for the suggestions. understand that this is not my composition to arrange, or recompose. i am concerned here with the mixing of that which has been recorded. also, what you heard was just a clip. the song is actually 7 minutes long, that being the near-climax (and most difficult to mix).
 
I agree that it sounds kind of high/thin. Drums especially. They just don't fit. Need more bass, thump....

Sounds like a cool song though. Hope you get a good mix on it.
Ed
 
yeah, definitely about the drums being thin. the problem with the drums is that they were tracked by the artist a year or so ago. they put a singular mic in front of the drums it's mostly cymbal and snare. the bass definition is poor. i could try eq'ing each element and creating separate tracks but i think that is more effort than i am willing to put forth. thanks for the comments guys.
 
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