What do you think of this?

[Nilbog]

It's a basic pop punk kinda sounding song
I will probably make a rough recording so you guys can hear it and get the idea. BUt these are the lyrics and the chords:



D A G
I guess it's been awhile since I last saw you
D A G
Your standing by yourself
D A G
Did things I can't recall
D A G
I saw but that's not all, I also heard the things you said

A C G
Now your in your room alone
A C G
No one is coming for you now
A C G
The key is in your hand
A C G
But the doorway is gone

F C G A
You try you try
F C G A
you try you try (you try to be something your not)
F C G
get up and try again


D A G
I could never forget the way you were to me (forget what you meant to me)
D A G
I was so wrong but you were always right
D A G
can you see past that now?
D A G
I have died but now I'm so much more

But when you left me standing here

I thought that it was all over (that you were gone)

I never thought we'd meet again
D A
I pray I get
G A
I pray I get a second
D A
chance I pray I get
G A
I pray I get one more chance


problems:
chorus? all the parts that arent the verse just sound like they are building to the chorus but there's not chorus....

the way you see the chords does not line up with where they are played....

 

[Terriel]

Nice song, but it needs a catching chorus. I like the idea of the song. Put some pretty words into a chorus that will make him/her want to give you a second chance.

 

[Henri Devill]

This is your chorus..to me anyways

F C G A
You try you try
F C G A
you try you try (you try to be something your not)
F C G
get up and try again

or this

D A
I pray I get
G A
I pray I get a second
D A
chance I pray I get
G A
I pray I get one more chance...

It looks like youv'e got everything basicly covered..

As for the chords modulate the second half of the choruses Pop punk right...Good luck..gonna be a good song!

Don

 

[yiordanaki]

Im not being critical, and no offense is intended,

but why dont you use some words over 2 syllables??

I find that lots of songs are like this. simple words and sentences. Reminds me of AVRIL (except for COMPLICATED - 4 syllables)

even so, if you blend the words nicely it should be good. Id like to hear a recording.

still its a good pop song

y