What do you think of my Lyrics

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jude2010
  • Start date Start date
J

Jude2010

New member
well the song is just basically is about a guy whos been with a girl for 4 years but now he finds out she was cheating on him so now he is kind of exploiting her on the song ... like he aims the song at her

LYRICS:
Uh,
Been nearly four years now,
Ever since I met you,
We prob’ly in there more times than we’ve ever been through,
Might as well admit yo lies,
I can see em’ in yo eyes,
Say you pissed off but I aint there to compliment you,
Please,
I aint really known to say the same things,
Never real love,
Forget about the where the blame is,
I got the flow but tryna figure where the flame is,
Still I wonder how a couple words could ever do this,
So I’ma spit it like the 24s around ya finga,
Yo prob’ly showed as much as nine when I tried to ring ya,
I got a lil message from ya on the telephone,
Never had to think twice but only had to let ya go,
Shi-
Baby by the way forgot to tell ya bye,
Might just reminisce the bliss b’for I let em fly,
But either way I bet ya’ll never find I better guy,
So gon’ ahead,
Better check before I pass ya by.
 
Lyrics without music is poetry. I can't stand poetry but I love music.

I remember one time seeing Art Garfunkel on Johnny Carson and Johnny said something to the effect that "music is poetry set to to melody" and Art completey disagreed (and so do I). Art said what I believe: although you'd think music and poetry are related they barely are.

So judging your lyrics without music is (no offense :) ) totally nuts.

There's lots of songs with what would appear to be terrible words that are great songs. You could have lyrics like "a dog, a dog, a dog" and that could be a great song.

Great lyrics depend on the marriage between the melody, rhythm and words. I get no song from a page of lyrics. It's poetry. What's the melody and chords?
 
dintymoore said:
You could have lyrics like "a dog, a dog, a dog" and that could be a great song.
Click to expand...
Well it's a dog eat dog
eat cat too
Fish eat frog
And I eat you....


Great song ! {the one quoted}
I kind of agree with Dinty though {:eek:Shock ! Horror !}, unless the subject matter in a lyric relates to some aspect of your life or interests, a lyric on it's own is like good looking face to a blind person. And if, perchance, you should love the lyric, if the melody and music turns out to be rubbish, where does that leave you. On the other hand, regardless of the lyric, if the song is great, it can utterly transform and at worst enhance a weak or lame lyric and give it a life it could never have as 'words on a page'. I bet you if we just heard this song and thought 'what a marvelous song', then we'd think about all the finer points of the lyric.....
 
I think you need to ask the question without explaining what the lyrics are about up front...

Once you say "song is just basically is about a guy whos been with a girl for 4 years but now he finds out she was cheating on him so now he is kind of exploiting her on the song" then that's all I need to know, and seeing it written down as lyrics doesn't really work (for me anyway)... because I already know the story...

So show the lyrics and let us work out what it's about, if we want to.

And, as Dinty and GT have said... very few lyrics read well just as they are, you need musical context.

So I can see this working OK in a hip hop context, but who knows, you might be planning an MOR ballard with lush strings...
 
Too personal.

Don't make such a literal translation of the emotion you are feeling into the lyrics. It comes across as campy.
 
There is a point in what grim and dinty say, i.e. that the music provides an essential element, without which it is difficult to determine what to think about the lyrics.

However, that point can diminish the importance of good writing. It is true that just about any collection of words can be strung together to form an appealing song. But that, in my view, does not excuse someone from not taking care with their lyrics.

I dislike mental laziness in writing; when someone assembles a collection of tired, trite and banal words and phrases into a cliche-ridden collage. There is no need to be supplied with music to be able to observe when that happens.

Fortunately, the OP's lyrics do not share those characteristics.
 
Jude2010 said:
well the song is just basically is about a guy whos been with a girl for 4 years but now he finds out she was cheating on him so now he is kind of exploiting her on the song ... like he aims the song at her

LYRICS:
Uh,
Been nearly four years now,
Ever since I met you,
We prob’ly in there more times than we’ve ever been through,
Might as well admit yo lies,
I can see em’ in yo eyes,
Say you pissed off but I aint there to compliment you,
Please,
I aint really known to say the same things,
Never real love,
Forget about the where the blame is,
I got the flow but tryna figure where the flame is,
Still I wonder how a couple words could ever do this,
So I’ma spit it like the 24s around ya finga,
Yo prob’ly showed as much as nine when I tried to ring ya,
I got a lil message from ya on the telephone,
Never had to think twice but only had to let ya go,
Shi-
Baby by the way forgot to tell ya bye,
Might just reminisce the bliss b’for I let em fly,
But either way I bet ya’ll never find I better guy,
So gon’ ahead,
Better check before I pass ya by.
Click to expand...

Das tight yo. Dat trick be whack and shit fool.


For real though, it's pretty terrible. If you didn't type it like you speak it, I'd probably be able to take it more seriously. But as it is, it's comical and dumb.
 
Also:

Trying to type out your lyrics to sound "black' is stupid- esp. since you are a white suburban teenager.


I know this is more MTV's fault than yours, but live and learn.
 
IndustrialOkie said:
Also:

Trying to type out your lyrics to sound "black' is stupid- esp. since you are a white suburban teenager.


I know this is more MTV's fault than yours, but live and learn.
Click to expand...
how do you know i'm white?
can you see or have ever seen me .. no
 
Jude2010 said:
well i was born black and i know i'm black so that's all that matters anyway
Click to expand...

Knowing your skin color is all that matters? :confused: I doubt if you truly feel that way. :)

I had multi-racial parents, one dark and one light and my best friends when I was a kid were Chinese... to me it doesn't matter one iota what "race" you are, it's interesting, yes, but it's also a bunch of bullshit because it's judging a book by it's cover. Except for very, very rare exceptions, we're all mixed race. Most people, if they had a DNA analysis done, would find out that they are more diverse than they thought.
 
dintymoore said:
Knowing your skin color is all that matters? :confused: I doubt if you truly feel that way. :)

I had multi-racial parents, one dark and one light and my best friends when I was a kid were Chinese... to me it doesn't matter one iota what "race" you are, it's interesting, yes, but it's also a bunch of bullshit because it's judging a book by it's cover. Except for very, very rare exceptions, we're all mixed race. Most people, if they had a DNA analysis done, would find out that they are more diverse than they thought.
Click to expand...

I'm a mix of awesome and kick-ass.
 
Jude2010 said:
well i was born black and i know i'm black so that's all that matters anyway
Click to expand...

Do you mean that you being black somehow adds credibility to your lyric? :confused:

I find it interesting that people gave you honest critiques on your writing but you didn't respond to any of them, just the guy calling you white.
 
gecko zzed said:
However, that point can diminish the importance of good writing. It is true that just about any collection of words can be strung together to form an appealing song. But that, in my view, does not excuse someone from not taking care with their lyrics.

I dislike mental laziness in writing; when someone assembles a collection of tired, trite and banal words and phrases into a cliche-ridden collage. There is no need to be supplied with music to be able to observe when that happens.
Click to expand...
Agreed. The main thrust of my point I guess was that a good song {which primarilly will include how all the elements come together} has a way of highlighting a good, well written lyric. But if the lyric is just cliche ridden trite crap, it being contained within a great song won't prevent my enjoyment of it. But if a great lyric is framed within a lame song.......
Personally, I love 'good' well written lyrics. I hate cliches and lazy writing. When I played in church bands, when people were showing us new songs, there was often some tension because I had a monomania about standard cliches and christian songs are full of them [mind you, pretty much every genre is full of it's own cliches now]. I would always point them out and why I thought they were rubbishy. The equivalent of the boy meets girl thingy.
But words on a page by themselves rarely do anything for me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top