What do you think about these lyrics

[Nativikee]

This is a song I just recently wrote, chores not written yet but if you have any idea of how I can write the chores, please let me know, thinks.


verse 1
I could promise you my world, anything you need, cause together we can acheive. Dream of you and I'm feelen free. Cause in the past true love is something Ive never beleived. Now Im thinken about you all day, thinken about you all night. Young bella wont leave my mind til I know everything is alright. No lies, you know how I feel, So I dont got anything to denie. Let me look deeply into your eyes. I know that your surprised. I finally admit that I wanna be your guy. We can make it reality. No Valerie, Only you I would treat you uncowardly. Like the lady that you wanna be. Wit me its the lady that your gonna be. Have you ever heard of Romeo. Well Im sweetbear. One step under and one step ova castanova. Every minute my love gets older. Truelyy for you from the one and only romantic soldier.

verse 2
I dont think about the things that surround me. Nuthen downs me when your around me. Feelen so much love like you wanna drown me. Let them girls be them girls, But your a one of a kind. In my booke your the one and only dyme. Times after times. I wish you was mine, but I cant call it truth. So I just sit back and put it in these rhymes. Think about other things and keep you off my mind. When its time, let the lord send me a sign. And let the love shyne. What would you say if I asked you to staay in my life. What would you say if I asked you to be my wife. What could I do to be wit you. Change any ways, cause I know you'de be here to stay. I cant change over night. But I promise you later on everythings gonna be right.

verse 3
How would it be baby if you was my lady. Show affection, but I could never let you have perfection. But you can send me in another direction. Start a new life, wit you as my wife. Have you ever wondered. It hits my head hard everynight like thunder. Every night, I lay, think, and fall asleep. Dream about life, marriege, and maybe one day Ill find the right wife. Than there you are. That girl in my dream, ring ring, wake me up and tell me what it means. Its a sign baby doll for you to be my queen. Sit there and think about it. Dont blank about it. Our love is still valid. Keep it real cause Ill never dought it.

thinks for you feed back.

 

[BabyGrand06]

These are very basic rhymes. It's very predictable. Though Its not really written in verse it reads like a rap song or somthing. Do you have a sample of the music or chord structure/pattern. Hard to tell without the music. But anyway, Its a good effort I'd say. Keep Doin it.

-----Oh, by the way, In the word "Thanks" its spelled just that way. Only saying cuz you spelled it wrong twice.(Thinks)

 

[Nativikee]

Lol yeah I always seem to misspell thinks. I think Its in my nature.lol. Nah yeah its a rap. I aint gott it recorded yet. I just wrote it not too long ago.. And my studio aint queit finished yet. Im gonna try and get me a new computer before I start actually working on my album. so hopefully its income check time. Everything will be going for me. Im still learning right now. I listened too all the wrong people and bought alot of wrong equipment, TI found this sight and its helping me out alot. but thinks for taking your time to check it out. Take care. peace.