"What Can I Do For You?" Any ideas?

[guitarhunny]

I just wanted to get some opinions on this song I am working on.

Song/guitar/vocals by Guitarhunny
Drums/Bass by Bentrabbit

 

[mshilarious]

I just wanted to get some opinions on this song I am working on.

Song/guitar/vocals by Guitarhunny
Drums/Bass by Bentrabbit

How about a harmony on the backing vocal?

 

[guitarhunny]

I just might try that! Good one!

 

[xfinsterx]

The voice is sort of reminicent of Dolly Parton.

Obviously the "sound of the drums" is pretty weak, but the playing was tight and not overplayed so thats good.

I listened to it twice, and it does seem a little long to me.
There may be a few bits you could edit out to tighten it up the tune a little.
Like they do in movies, they might film 4 hours, but you only see 2, and never know the difference.

I like the part between 2:10 and 2:30 or so when it sort of cresciendo's.
Seems like the verses could be shortened, and that little chorus at 2:10 could be added once or twice more, pehaps twice in a row at the end.

-Finster

 

[guitarhunny]

The voice is sort of reminicent of Dolly Parton.

Obviously the "sound of the drums" is pretty weak, but the playing was tight and not overplayed so thats good.

I listened to it twice, and it does seem a little long to me.
There may be a few bits you could edit out to tighten it up the tune a little.
Like they do in movies, they might film 4 hours, but you only see 2, and never know the difference.

I like the part between 2:10 and 2:30 or so when it sort of cresciendo's.
Seems like the verses could be shortened, and that little chorus at 2:10 could be added once or twice more, pehaps twice in a row at the end.

-Finster

I completely get what you are saying. I'll admit it's a bit repetitive. I just don't want to change it. I may later but I'm way too attached to all the verses for now.

 

[mshilarious]

I completely get what you are saying. I'll admit it's a bit repetitive. I just don't want to change it. I may later but I'm way too attached to all the verses for now.

If you're looking to play with lyrics, the first two verses start with clichés. The first one works great anyway because it smacks the listener right between the eyes. The second one "If you were a drug, I'd overdose" . . . is not as strong; it could stand a rework.

 

[xfinsterx]

If you're looking to play with lyrics, the first two verses start with clichés. The first one works great anyway because it smacks the listener right between the eyes. The second one "If you were a drug, I'd overdose" . . . is not as strong; it could stand a rework.

I wanted to say that, but didnt.

 

[guitarhunny]

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them.

 

[Rokket]

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them.

I am going to listen again when I get home. I couldn't hear everything the way I wanted to on these pc speakers here at work.

 

[Rokket]

Not bad at all. I couldn't hear the bass on the speakers at my office. I like it!

 

[Neeps]

There's something up with the rhythm... the little roll caused by the difference between the two acoustic guitar parts... I dunno something's not quite right... maybe it's that the the guitar parts don't entirely match the drums...

Still those vocals are pretty amazing!

I'm definitely in the Ruth Sharp fan club!

 

[Garry Sharp]

Listening now. There's actually a Joan Baez edge in parts of the voice that I really like. Unlike Handsome Al I like the rhythmic play between the guitar parts. Sorry, don't like the BV's. There's enough "edge" in this sound as it is, I think the BV's should smooth it, not add to that...but now it's approaching 3.00 and the BV's are much better. Hmm...

Very talented stuff, however I think it needs a hookier melody to be commercial, there are a couple of places where the melody loses its way, even Alanis M. sweetened her bitterness with some melody you could hum afterwards.

 

[guitarhunny]

Thanks for the posts!

Handsome Al: I like having fans. I'll take all I can get.

Garry Sharp: This is one of my first attempts at song writing. This song has actually been around for about three years. That's probably why you think the melody isn't very "catchy". It's just a touch of inexperience, but it has served me well so far so I'll leave it as is.

Rokket: I'm glad you approve. Bentrabbit did pretty good on the bass huh. I didn't know he could do that.