Nice, you made the kick better, but not quite there for my taste in hip hop. I wanna hear a little more click from the kick. The mix works well in my Mackie monitors, but from my weak computer speakers (which are much closer to the average listeners speakers) it sounds boomy and unfocused.
the bassline - musically it works well, but it's not very interesting, sonically. too smooth sounding, you need something to make the mix more aggressive, and I think a harsher, more mid-present tone would make it. Not sure if EQ will do it, I would find a different preset, edit the existing preset, or use some kind of distortion-adding effect. Make 'er growl!!
the orchestra hits? I want them closer, more distinct, but yes, that might come off as biting Master P production a little.
I think the vox are a little sibilant, and need a TINY bit more extended low end, to make 'em sound like big scary mofos.
The hand claps sound very packaged. Do something to them to make them sound more unique.
I personally don't mind the claves levels. I definately wouldn't make them louder, and I suppose a little quieter wouldn't hurt.
And yes, the outro is a little long. Half of that length, at most, would be better.
Try to use panning, careful verb and rolling off highs to create more distance between tracks. If you listen to top notch hip-hop production, they usually succeed in making each little sample and instrument line have it's own distinct region - everything has it's own sonic LAYER. Your mix is a little bit crowded.
What is your setup?
So there's my snottyfaced critique.
Despite that, I like it quite a lot as is, but you can do better! Really good MC, good vocal tone overall, it does everything it NEEDS to do, but not everything it COULD do.
Nice job, mane...