Washington Streets

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daveroe

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Hey Everyone,

This is my first song post on this forum but I hope not my last. The recording/mix are not the best, I'm still trying to figure all of that out, but please have a listen and let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Dave

WASHINGTON STREETS

Washington streets
are full of repeats
but you’ll never meet
a man like me
It’s chattering cold out
and I’m being told how
I kept you warm on the coldest day

And the northern rains
won’t stop for days
we look for ways
to occupy our time
Then the snow falls lightly
we wake up nightly
to watch light shine
from each other’s face

This drafty apartment
is where our whole life went
but I said what I meant
don’t go away
The flowers are dying
and we’re doing time when
this winter ain’t lying
it’s here to stay

And the northern rains
won’t stop for days
we look for ways
to occupy our time
Then the snow falls lightly
we wake up nightly
to watch light shine
from each other’s face

And they beg for change for beers
As we wait for trains right here

Washington streets
Are full of defeat
But you’ll never beat
A man like me

© 2009 Fish Egg Music
 
Here's the thing . . .

I read your lyrics and I immediately wanted to hear the song. So I put reading the lyrics aside and went straight to the song.

Wow . . . I think this is an awesome song!!

This is very clever and skilful writing, and the song is the perfect vehicle for it.

I really like the line construction, where (despite how it appears on paper), the line really finishes with the starting syllable of the next, i.e:

"Washington streets are
full of repeats but"

So they are really internal rhymes.

There are great images and phrases in the lyrics:

"chattering cold"
"the northern rains won't stop for days"
"we look for ways to occupy our time"

There is huge economy of words . . . no padding, no wasted phrases.

This generates a huge whimsical, slightly melancholy mood for me. So powerful is it that it plays itself in front of me in a set of images as if I was watching a movie. It really is a wonderful song!!!

You are right about the recording. Voice sounds good, guitar sounds good, but there are a few technical things to deal with (like the popping of the 'p' in 'repeat' in, for example, the second line).

The thought behind the harmonies is good, and for the most part they are really well executed. However, I did notice the second vocal's pitch drifting a bit towards the end of lines (for example, 'time' in 'occupy our time'). They get most ragged on the bridge, see the repeated 'right here'.

But just to dwell on the bridge a bit . . . I am not convinced that you have really sorted out what you want at this 'right here' point of the song, and though you are playing particular set of chords for it, it seems to me that your brain is wanting it go somewhere else. Maybe you could try an A instead of an Am for the first 'right here', then go to a D for the second . . . just a thought.

Thanks for posting this exceptional song and letting us have the opportunity to hear it!!!
 
Like Gecko I am impressed with the evocative pictures you have painted with such economy of language. This has a very genuine connected feel to both the melody and the lyrics.

I think both musically and lyrically in comparison to the rest of the song I am not connecting with the bridge - its too jarring a conceptual leap - I seem focusing on the relationship with the shining faces then I jump outside and I'm still think 'where am I, oh the railway? Beers?' when you've moved onto to that great closing refrain.

As Gecko says it could chords - I think I need a musical change to be established for longer, before lyrics, or more lyric that lead me out of the shabby apartment to the beggars. Definite a musical gap before the final refrain as it deserves the listeners full attention.

It like telling a good story sometimes you need 'meta-language (or prosody or just music) to manage the change perspectives of your story.

All that said great song, like the vocals and thanks for sharing your work with us.

HTH Burt
 
Gecko,

You are very right about the bridge, I struggle for a while trying to decide what to do there with the last chord. Even as I was recording it I was still not 100% comfortable with it. I'm playing around with some different transitions right now.
Thank you guys for listening and for the helpful criticism.

Dave
 
daveroe said:
Hey Everyone,

This is my first song post on this forum but I hope not my last. The recording/mix are not the best, I'm still trying to figure all of that out, but please have a listen and let me know what you think.
Click to expand...

Hi Dave,

I enjoyed the song. Good stuff. Welcome to the forum.

Cheers,
Joseph
 
I like that SG in the corner.

Cool looking mic. WTheck is it?
Great stuff.

I hear two vox in the chorus. Effective.

As for song: Would be great at a festival. I picture a grassy knoll on any afternoon ...

I picture lovers.
 
Thanks, the mic is a Shure SM57. That picture is a few years old and I've since upgraded the mic but it was inexpensive and did the job.

There are background vox during the chorus all though they sometimes hit the same notes. I thought it sounded cool but it was probably just me getting inpatient with the do-overs and saying that it was good enough.
 
I like the...

...simple straightforward guitar work that goes with this tune. Very clean and very appropriate. The vox is also well done but I might try dropping every other harmony line to give it a bit more contrast if it were mine. Still....the harmonies are tight and pitch-on just like they ought to be so if left the way they are it's all still good. The train line in the bridge gives great impact and a strong sense of final separation and I like it a lot. The begging for beers line that you use to get there seems clumsy to me BUT it is a common occurrence in any decent sized train station so that we can all relate well to it. I especially like the way you tell this story with clever 'inside' rhymes and a general lack of cliche's. I think it is the greatest strength of this song. Nice work, Dave. aka up-fiddler
 
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