WARNING:amateurish, folkish, child's lullaby

Odd combination - very good arranging but sound qualities of the parts that just don't do the song justice IMO. If this was done with a natural ac gtr sound, and natural vocals it'd be very nice. The autotune is clicking the pitch around a lot, and the effect on the vox doesn't really work IMO. Heads up at 1:54 - the synth chimes are out of tune. Potential here. :)

Tim
 
Thanks for the feedback...often the execution of my ideas end up sounding a bit "forced" "uptight" and "uncomfortable"...this is my first recording since early spring and I need to build on it and become more consistant in writing/recording...glad you did like the arrangment/potential.
 
I have worked a bit more on the song (Mandy version 2) ...redid the lead vocal and tried to use more compression (and a bit less reverb) to get the lead vocal to sit better in the mix...took the chorus effect off the guitar and added a bit more reverb to the guitar, guitar part probably still lacking...how does the vocal sound (performance and/or recording quality)?.........are the organ and/or chimes lame?...is version 2 better than version 1? Thanks for feedback.

Mandy (version 2)

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=184085
 
Well done. It's a touching song. :) With the natural vocal and guitar sound (compared to what I remember in the original) the sentiment comes through regardless of any namby-pamby issues of intonation or pristine recording fidelity.

If it were my song I'd leave out the synth stuff altogether. That would also eliminate most of the intonation mismatch, as the synth is a little sharp compared to the vox and gtr. I bet if you raised the synth track about 3-5 cents in intonation it'd match up perfectly.

Kudos for the reworking. :cool:

Tim
 
First, I love kids. I like this song a lot. And it makes me feel like holding a baby or something just listening to this song. My cousin's has a new baby that I can occassionaly play with. Another friend has an about 1 year old. Another friend also has a "brand new" one. Just reminds me of all those babies. So cute!

I like the lyrics. I like the tune.

Now that I got all the mushy stuff out of the way, Ra Rah Rah grrr.... grrr.... we're men! Grrr. Ra.....

There's something unsettling about the guitar sound. Maybe it feels out of tune. Can I ask if you're tuning your guitar using the 5th fret method. Meaning the 5th fret on a string is what the next string is tuned to. My guitar used to sound like this when I used to tune my guitar using the 5th fret method.

Around 0:42 and then around 1:52 the drawn M-a-ndy seems to be either clipping or just not recorded properly.

About the synth, I would remove the organ but keep the bells. I realize that it could be a double sound effect on a keyboard but nonetheless that's how I feel.

Cool doubled vocals around 1:40 or thereabouts. :)

My 500 cents.
 
Thanks you both for the thumbs-up, I'm happy that someone likes the song...

I will consider ways to improve the "synth" situation...

I have also come to suspect that the guitar could be in better tune (I tuned it by listening to notes off a website, now I'm thinking why in the world didn't I just tune it by notes from the keyboard?), maybe it is time to get one of those electronic tuners with the lights.

I probably just separated the syllables too much in the word "Mandy" instead of making a more-pleasing sounding smooth transision between the syllables...The melody is sort of awkward (but also interesting and challenging) to sing and I'm not really a "singer" (I seem to sing the song a little bit different with each take).

Redoing the guitar, more practice, and redoing the vocals (probably redoing the whole song) could get some bugs out of the song but maybe this song is okay with a few bugs in it.
 
the guitar is out of tune, you are singing slightly flat, and leave the synth out. VERY nice lyrics. Beautiful song. that song doesnt need anything but your voice and a guitar, MAYBE a harmony part(a female, i would suggest) a 3rd or 5th above yours, if any thing at all.. I hope I didnt offend you, I am just trying to give you an honest suggestion. When you sing, think about landing on top of the pitch. ...you are scooping below..., then sliding up to it.. the synth completely destroys the atmosphere of the song. any instruments that are added should be acoustic...piano..acoustic bass...mandolin....but nothing electronic. Believe you me, as a singer I get reamed all the time. I am a bass, and we have a natural tendency to go flat, so we do!. YOu dont need electronic tuner, just a pitch pipe will do. Dont rely on a keyboard for pitch, because often times they arent accurate.but, like i said..beautiful song.I suck at songwriting, and admire those who can write.good luck bud. ;)

Teddy
 
OK, I thought the guitar sounded out of tune and now BigRay (not to drag you into this also :) ) also agrees.

Whenever I used to tune my guitar using the 5th fret method, it would come out like this. The notes you downloaded off the web could be from a guitar tuned this way. Anyway, this is caused by out of balance guitar harmonics. So it's better to tune each string to the standard pitch. I could never use the pitch pipe, even tho I had it. So I'd opt for an electric tuner. Nice and easy. Tells you exactly when to stop twisting the knob. :) Just remember to tune up. :)

Note: From years of playing guitar that was tuned using 5th fret method, if the Dmaj chord sounds out of tune (meaning not sweet), you're really out. If you know the intro to Summer of '69 by Bryan Adams and it sounds wrong on the guitar, it definitely is out of tune.
 
I like the song. Can't decide which one I like better actually. The first version is kind've over the top but it is a kid's song after all.

I agree that the bells should stay but the organ should go. Cool song.
 
Cood tune. The vocals stray in intonation, and mine do too, but mine are usually covered by multiple instruments. You have to be in tune for a tune like this, you know that. GREAT song, though. Just not the production that it needs to do it justice yet, but I'll bet you will work on the shortfalls and make it a winner. I really do love the tune and I think you are onto something great. :)
 
I've just reread the thread...lots of positive feedback and encouragement...I appreciate you all being straight about the song...lots of good suggestions to consider...

If you are still interested I have made "Mandy (version 3)"... I focused mainly on the biggest problem, getting the guitar in tune (thanks bigbubba for the tip on checking the tuning using the Dmaj chord, that came in handy) and redoing all the vocals...the organ is mostly gone, but the "bells" are still there.

Mandy (version 3) 11-06-05
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=184085
 
I like it a lot now. I like what you've done with the backup vocals. They seem to be a little lower and they play a secondary role to the main vocals (as they should :)).

An observation about the instrument volume level:
If you intend this to be a real lullaby that can be used, I would recommend keeping the instrument levels a little lower. This will allow the baby to listen to a person's voice singing to them but not allow the instruments to distract or wake them back up.

In light of that I would personally take the guitar 2-3 notches down and the bells about 2. The bells need to be there to give the "running thru the meadows" feel and be faint enough to give the perception of the outside world fading away.

OK, I now I BS a lot. :) That's just my input. The guitar definitely seems to be in better tuning. I thought I had a faint out of tune feeling but that simply could have been because I was half expecting it.
 
I noticed I could not play along other songs when I tuned using the 5th fret method. Now I always tune each string individually. This may cause the 5th fret to slightly be out of tune but who cares? In an ideal situation, the guitar's intonation and harmonics will be balanced and a string open, and at the 12th fret will be in perfect tune. This will also allow the 5th fret to be the same as the next open string. Generally you can have the harmonics and so on fixed at the local guitar shops. I dropped mine a while back and had to get this done 'coz otherwise it wasn't playable. :)
 
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