R
Retro
New member
Here's a new tune I recorded that you can check out.
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=1575&alid=-1
http://www.nowhereradio.com/artists/album.php?aid=1575&alid=-1
erichenryus
New member
Sounds pretty good to me. I really like the guitar sound. I'm not a guitarist so I can't elaborate but I just know that I like it.
I tend to be more constructive in my comments cause there's only so much 'gee you sound really great' that I can offer. You can ask your family for that type of feedback. So here's my two cents.
The drums aren't working. Timing is off in a lot of places and I don't think that's the fault of the real people in the mix, I think this song can't be locked completely to a dictated bpm.
The melody is maybe too centered in a given vocal range. The answering phrases in the chorus sound like they want a higher range or some variety. Female backups would be cool but if you don't know anyone maybe try eqing different on the answers and altering the line a bit.
There you go. Thanks for posting.
By the way don't be discouraged if you don't get a lot of feedback right away. This board is definitely a give and take so the more you help others, the better your chances are of getting some feedback. Just thought I'd offer that to a fellow 'newbie'.
I tend to be more constructive in my comments cause there's only so much 'gee you sound really great' that I can offer. You can ask your family for that type of feedback. So here's my two cents.
The drums aren't working. Timing is off in a lot of places and I don't think that's the fault of the real people in the mix, I think this song can't be locked completely to a dictated bpm.
The melody is maybe too centered in a given vocal range. The answering phrases in the chorus sound like they want a higher range or some variety. Female backups would be cool but if you don't know anyone maybe try eqing different on the answers and altering the line a bit.
There you go. Thanks for posting.
By the way don't be discouraged if you don't get a lot of feedback right away. This board is definitely a give and take so the more you help others, the better your chances are of getting some feedback. Just thought I'd offer that to a fellow 'newbie'.
R
Retro
New member
Thanks for the feedback.
T
TripleM
Well-known member
Not bad. But I'm going to focus more on what I didn't like. Take them as ways to improve.
First off - the low rhythm guitar part with the heavy reverb sounded very nice. There were a few spots where it diverted from its primary part and became a bit too prominent. It kind of has that low "growl" to it and it should stay low and just be noticable - not prominent. Again, this was in the part as played, not the recording.
You may want to apply the exact same guitar reverb to the lead vocals.
I noticed a couple of timing issues on the drums too - but not terribly distracting. You might be able to punch in or copy and paste some fixes. I noticed a vocal sync issue here and there too.
I'd loose the wind chimes at about 3:15.
I have to be honest and say the lyrics buged me. They almost sounded like a random collection of sentences. I'd focus a bit more on getting something a little more interesting (e.g., "I'm feelin' upside down, feelin' low to the ground") What does that mean? I know I know - it's a mixing clinic, not a music review. But I just wanted to throw it in.
Take these thoughts for what they're worth ($0.00).
First off - the low rhythm guitar part with the heavy reverb sounded very nice. There were a few spots where it diverted from its primary part and became a bit too prominent. It kind of has that low "growl" to it and it should stay low and just be noticable - not prominent. Again, this was in the part as played, not the recording.
You may want to apply the exact same guitar reverb to the lead vocals.
I noticed a couple of timing issues on the drums too - but not terribly distracting. You might be able to punch in or copy and paste some fixes. I noticed a vocal sync issue here and there too.
I'd loose the wind chimes at about 3:15.
I have to be honest and say the lyrics buged me. They almost sounded like a random collection of sentences. I'd focus a bit more on getting something a little more interesting (e.g., "I'm feelin' upside down, feelin' low to the ground") What does that mean? I know I know - it's a mixing clinic, not a music review. But I just wanted to throw it in.
Take these thoughts for what they're worth ($0.00).
R
Roth
New member
The song is O.K. but the drums are not doing it for me. I think this piece would work better with drums that are better syncopated. Change the drums and you have a decent pop song. Maybe shorten it a bit.
Roth
Roth
mixmkr
we don't need rest!!
I like the tune, but feel that you might want to update it...with some quality recording. First...up a couple notches with the drum sound and programming would help, as prev. mentioned. I think more powerful sounding drums would work, to help smack out the groove. Possibly a more distinct bass tone would help too in bringing this style into the future. I agree about the windchimes...not needed in this tune....unless you have more ear candy spread thruout the tune. Some synths, maybe?? Letting loose a little bit more on the vocals would go a wazzz too..
(this almost started to sound like the old "Peter Gunn" theme to me)
(this almost started to sound like the old "Peter Gunn" theme to me)
S
samicide
New member
Not a bad tune, but I agree with all comments negative about the drums.. I like the way it ended with the singing. I also agree that it could have been shorter, but it wasnt too bad. The change at 1:20 is cool..
It was pretty good overall... I have no opinion on the windchimes.... I didnt even notice them.
later
sam
It was pretty good overall... I have no opinion on the windchimes.... I didnt even notice them.
later
sam
gmiller1122
Addled but happy
The recording is quality -- it kinda does sound like Peter Gunn!
The lyrics, as has been stated, are really general and benign. There are some great rock songs that have silly lyrics, but they also have other positives that make up for that. This doesn't seem to have that.
The bridge (quieter part) around 3:00 is a nice break, but I don't like the chimes.
I agree w/Mixr -- put more heart and soul into your singing -- I struggle w/ the same thing. After singing a song 40 times, you lose interest!
Good mix, song needs work, though.
The lyrics, as has been stated, are really general and benign. There are some great rock songs that have silly lyrics, but they also have other positives that make up for that. This doesn't seem to have that.
The bridge (quieter part) around 3:00 is a nice break, but I don't like the chimes.
I agree w/Mixr -- put more heart and soul into your singing -- I struggle w/ the same thing. After singing a song 40 times, you lose interest!
Good mix, song needs work, though.
JMarcomb
New member
putting the mix aside..
I thought the song was great
immediatly i thought of the cars... who are great to listen to
I thought the song was great
immediatly i thought of the cars... who are great to listen to
R
Retro
New member
Thanks for all the comments.
I am working on the drums as suggested and took the chimes out of the bridge.
Several of you have stated you don't like or get the lyrics.
Their randomness is an attemp to emphasises the depressed state of someone whose life is totally screwed up. They try to convey a lack of coherence that always comes back to the anguish that has become a constant reality.
I am working on the drums as suggested and took the chimes out of the bridge.
Several of you have stated you don't like or get the lyrics.
Their randomness is an attemp to emphasises the depressed state of someone whose life is totally screwed up. They try to convey a lack of coherence that always comes back to the anguish that has become a constant reality.
T
theron
New member
As mentioned, this tune is gonna groove by the punch of the rhythme section. If you can make the d track drive more and the bass track more defined and pumping, the foundation and style of the song will come through much, much better.
I thought that a bigger diversity in the vocal refrain was in need as well. Add some eq to the refrain and probably retrack the refrain vox with increasing intensity as the song climaxes to the git solo around 2:40.
On a simular note, I think those git fills would sound better panned to one side and put down in the mix a tad. Also, pace the fills. You are almost too busy with the vox refrain and the git refrain fills. Let the rhythm do some work. Pace your git fills so they mean something.
Before the 2:40 mark, it sounds like you're trying to do everything with that one git track. I.E. fills, leads and rhythm reenforcment. Perhaps you could cut an electric git track that comes in to beef up the rhythm ( especialy going into the bridge/chorus), cut another for those "spaced and thought out" fills, and a final one for the lead at the 2:40 mark.
Oddly enough, after the git "solo" starting around the 2:40 point, all of the above git elements seemed to be in there. Maybe rethink you track/git attack. Definitly pan the git fills and lower the volume so that when you stick the hotter lead right down the middle it will have more impact.
One last note (and I mean this in a productive sence), if your lyrics are unclear and the overall meaning is lost as far as words go. I say let it be clear in the chorus or hook of the song itself. I kinda feel that if you have to explain the lyrics too much, then you should have said it better within the context of the lyrical song.
Please understand and believe that I like the tune and wouldn't spend the time or share my silly insights if I wasn't trying to help in a positive sort of way. I just offer some food for thought from my limited perspective.
Peace,
Theron.
I thought that a bigger diversity in the vocal refrain was in need as well. Add some eq to the refrain and probably retrack the refrain vox with increasing intensity as the song climaxes to the git solo around 2:40.
On a simular note, I think those git fills would sound better panned to one side and put down in the mix a tad. Also, pace the fills. You are almost too busy with the vox refrain and the git refrain fills. Let the rhythm do some work. Pace your git fills so they mean something.
Before the 2:40 mark, it sounds like you're trying to do everything with that one git track. I.E. fills, leads and rhythm reenforcment. Perhaps you could cut an electric git track that comes in to beef up the rhythm ( especialy going into the bridge/chorus), cut another for those "spaced and thought out" fills, and a final one for the lead at the 2:40 mark.
Oddly enough, after the git "solo" starting around the 2:40 point, all of the above git elements seemed to be in there. Maybe rethink you track/git attack. Definitly pan the git fills and lower the volume so that when you stick the hotter lead right down the middle it will have more impact.
One last note (and I mean this in a productive sence), if your lyrics are unclear and the overall meaning is lost as far as words go. I say let it be clear in the chorus or hook of the song itself. I kinda feel that if you have to explain the lyrics too much, then you should have said it better within the context of the lyrical song.
Please understand and believe that I like the tune and wouldn't spend the time or share my silly insights if I wasn't trying to help in a positive sort of way. I just offer some food for thought from my limited perspective.
Peace,
Theron.
T
TripleM
Well-known member
Retro said:
Now THAT's a decent line! Probably needs rework so it fits in with the cadence of the song - but it has texture to it. It would keep listener interest. But what came out were things like "I'm like the bile the comes from a crocodile pulled from the Nile" or whatever it was.
Another thing, in my first post I didn't spend enough time on what I liked. I really did like the tune. Other than the words, it was a pretty decent piece of music. Better than a lot of other stuff I've heard.
R
Retro
New member
Thank you for all your comments, both positive and negative. I'm going to step back from this project for a while so I can come back to it with a fresh perspective. I've tracked & listenned to this song so many times that I'm losing any objectivity I may have had and am not sure of what I'm hearing or just think I'm hearing. It will also give me time to consider all the suggestions that have been made - they have enabled me to look at things from a different perspective.
The song morphed quite a bit from the version I do live as it went to tape, er um I mean hard drive. The primary rhythm guitar part changed slightly, I added the higher accents on the A-G part of the progression on the verses and the "Peter Gunn" style bass was new. All of this really changed the feel of the song. I am considering speeding up the tempo (it is slower than I usually do it) which I think will give it more drive and help me get more energy in the vocals (something that I was having problems with as several of you noticed). I think one of the problems with the drums is that I tracked the main rhythm guitar part in a hurrry because a friend was coming over to do the lead and in the first verse it deviates slightly from the drums (which are locked on 124 bpm because they are software generated). I was pressed for time becuase I had lost several tracks and had to redo them at the last minute. I didn't catch the the problem with the rhythm guitar and as I added tracks they hung with the rhythm guitar and not the drums, causing the drums to sound off in parts of the first verse. The ironic thing is that I ended up scrapping his lead and doing it myself. Everything on the song is me, btw. If I was set up to do live drums I could follow the groove set by the other instruments and probably hide the slight variation, but I'm setup in my living room and that definately won't work. Thanks again for all the comments. I do appreciate your comments and have found them quite constructive and welcome any others you may have.
Oh, and please pardon the long post.
The song morphed quite a bit from the version I do live as it went to tape, er um I mean hard drive. The primary rhythm guitar part changed slightly, I added the higher accents on the A-G part of the progression on the verses and the "Peter Gunn" style bass was new. All of this really changed the feel of the song. I am considering speeding up the tempo (it is slower than I usually do it) which I think will give it more drive and help me get more energy in the vocals (something that I was having problems with as several of you noticed). I think one of the problems with the drums is that I tracked the main rhythm guitar part in a hurrry because a friend was coming over to do the lead and in the first verse it deviates slightly from the drums (which are locked on 124 bpm because they are software generated). I was pressed for time becuase I had lost several tracks and had to redo them at the last minute. I didn't catch the the problem with the rhythm guitar and as I added tracks they hung with the rhythm guitar and not the drums, causing the drums to sound off in parts of the first verse. The ironic thing is that I ended up scrapping his lead and doing it myself. Everything on the song is me, btw. If I was set up to do live drums I could follow the groove set by the other instruments and probably hide the slight variation, but I'm setup in my living room and that definately won't work. Thanks again for all the comments. I do appreciate your comments and have found them quite constructive and welcome any others you may have.
Oh, and please pardon the long post.