turd on the tracks

[cardiff jon]

I've recently sent 'locomotive lights' to nowhere (www.nowhereradio.com/jonlenin) and would love to have comments which bear in mind (a) I am demoing the song, not myself as an artist, (b) I know there may be one or two 'pitch issues', as some are wont to call them, and (c) I can only afford to use a fostex built-in fuzz. So what do you think of the song?

 

[groovejunkie]

-could't let this post dissapear whitout any answer..
well, you're right, lots of pitch problems, but I think the weak spot in the song is the chorus-verse construction which sounds strange to me; sorry that I didn't liked it, but it's just me..

 

[Guernica]

Hey Cardiff,
I agree w/ gj. I like the chorus alot. The verse part of the song (before fuzz guit.) is ok.... ....but the real improvement (IMVHO) would be made w/ a different B-section. I dont really like its build into the chorus, and the fuzz guit. panned the way it is doesnt help.
....good start man, keep with thisg

 

[jake-owa]

Man, flooding the vocal with reverb will not make it sound anymore in tune. Practice singing it and listening a bunch of times and try it again. The distorted guitar is pretty weak, I would expect to hear something more powerful...more locomotiveish if ya get me.
The accoustic riff needs a change too...

 

[cardiff jon]

Thanks for comments. I never realised LL had a chorus. Following this song's rapturous reception, I've now deleted it. There's a new one up called Crown Of Laurel, so comments welcome on that as well. (www.nowhereradio/jonlenin/singles).