thoughts on this French translation?

Chris Tondreau

Chris Tondreau

Member
Hey all;

As we complete our album, we have decided to include a French version of one of our songs. A friend of mine has translated it, and though I trust her judgement, I know that there are different "takes" on how to say something and exactly what it means.

I was just wondering if anything here strikes anyone who speaks French as being problematic. Upon discussing it further with the translator, I have decided to put the song in the second-person informal, vous, rather than the familiar, tu, to distance myself from the antagonist. (which upon reading the lyrics, will become evident why)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original English Lyrics:

You got the right clothes, buddy, and your hair's always right
You got a hot rod Camaro and you party all night
It's like the face you glue on before you head into town
A pale shade of happy to cover the frown
But that's a side that no one sees,
Oh won't you help me please 'cause

I WANT TO BE COOL LIKE YOU (cool like you now)
HANGING OUT WITH THE COOLEST PEOPLE
HANGING OUT AT THE COOLEST PLACES
'CAUSE I WANT TO BE COOL LIKE YOU

It must be nice to be hip on where the fashion swings
and have lots of money for expensive things
You're a person of the world but it's an affectation
You're all confused - you call it liberation
It's a mask that you believe
Oh won't you help me please 'cause

CHORUS

NOW I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE COOLEST PEOPLE
NOW I'M HANGING OUT AT THE COOLEST PLACES
NOW I DON'T WANT TO BE COOL LIKE YOU

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



French Translation:

Vous avez de beaux vêtements, copin, et votre coif est toujours parfait
Vous avez un Camaro vite et vous party toute la nuit
C’est comme vous colles la figure avant d’aller en ville
Quel insouciant vous fais pour couvrir les grimaces
Mais c’est une partie que personne ne voit.
Oh aide- moi, parce que

JE VEUX ÊTRE COOL COMME VOUS (cool comme vous maintenant)
FRAYANT AVEC LES GENS LES PLUS COOL
FRAYANT AUX ENDROITS LES PLUS COOL
CAR JE VEUX ÊTRE COOL COMME VOUS

Ça doit être bon de soit au courant
Et d’avoir beaucoup d’argent pour les choses chères
Vous etes quelqu’un du monde, mais c’est une allocation
Vous etes tout confus – vous l’appellez la libération
C’est une masque que vous vous en crois
Oh aide-moi parce que

MAINTENANT MOI JE FRAYE AVEC LES GENS LES PLUS COOL
MAINTENENT MOI JE FRAYE AUX ENDROITS LES PLUS COOL
MAINTENENT JE NE VEUX PAS ÊTRE COOL COMME VOUS

The bits in italics are my own re-working to change the tu to vous. Please let me know if I've botched that up sufficiently too.
Laughing

Thanks!
Chris
 
I'm Canadian and although English is my first language, my surname is French (so is yours I see -- I'm from the Ottawa area) and I do speak/understand a fair bit of it. Whoever did the translation, their French is definitely better than mine, and if she is fluent, then disregard my following caution (although even though some speak French fluently, translation is another skill/talent entirely).

The translation seems pretty good to me. Unfortunately, I can't say for sure, but I sense that some of it may be too literal. What I mean is that there are ways of saying something in one language, and although it can be translated literally, it's not really how people would say it. And if it's true at all in this lyric, it can seem weird to the listener. Do you know what I mean?

Another observation (again, that I'm not 100% sure about), but I'm not sure that you should change from "tu as" to "vous avez" in this case for the reason you state. So far as I know, "vous" is a more formal term, usually used as a sign of respect, for example, how a younger person would address an older person. Then again, soon after knowing someone who would initially be addressed as "vous", changing to "tu" is totally ok, for the most part. The way I read the language of your lyric, I think "tu as" is what you should go with. Again, I could be wrong.

Although the 'meter' of the lyric seems maintained such that it should work with the music, understandably, the rhyme scheme established in English is out the window in French (not that that's necessarily a problem).

Sorry, that's all I can offer you. I hope I at least I've given an idea as to where to question accuracy.
 
Thanks, Cheeky Monkey. The fact that it looks good to someone else who speaks French is encouraging. She (the translator) is quite fluent. You hit the nail on the head, though, as far as "good literal translation" and "how a Francophone would actually say it." It is this problem, I'd like to address with the translation - if there is in fact a problem.

And yes, I was happy how she was able to preserve the meter of the verses more or less.

Chris
 
Or is this one better?

Tu as les bons vêtements, copain, et tes cheveux sont toujours bien coiffé
Tu as une belle Camaro montée et tu fais la fête toute la nuit
C’est comme le masque (visage) que tu mets avant d’aller en ville
Un semblant de joie pour couvrir le faux
Mais c’est un côté que personne ne voit,
Oh s’il-vous-plait (SVP) ne voudrais-tu pas m’aider parce que

Je veux être cool comme toi
Me tenant avec les personnes les plus cool
Me tenant dans les endroits les plus cool
Parce que je veux être cool comme toi.

Comme çà doit être plaisant d’être dans le courant de la mode
et d’avoir plein d’argent pour les choses dispendieuses
Tu sembles être une personne du monde mais c’est une prétention
Tu es tout confus, tu appelles çà une libération
C’est un masque en lequel tu crois
Oh s’il-vous-plait (SVP) ne voudrais-tu pas m’aider parce que

Chœur

Maintenant je me tiens avec les personnes les plus cool
Maintenant je me tiens dans les endroits les plus cool
Maintenant je ne veux pas être cool comme toi.

Chris
 
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