Manslick
Well-known member
So what do you make of this?
Washburn100
New member
i disagree
Strat1958
Late-blooming songwriter!
It reads more like a poem than lyrics. I have a hard time imagining music going with it due to the inconsistent meter.
Fabulous imagery, though.
Is it yours?
-Mike
Fabulous imagery, though.
Is it yours?
-Mike
Manslick
Well-known member
No you don't.
Manslick
Well-known member
Yes this is mine, I was going thru my book yesterday and this had only the first three lines, written on Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 8:53:34 AM so I started typing and ended up with this.
I didn’t bother to organize the lines into a song structure, imply meter, indent or indicate where a verse or chorus might be. I didn’t even bother to make it rhyme in places. I left it like a piece of cake to be eaten whole and when you burp see if it still tastes the same.
Thanks Mike.
up-fiddler
Taming the World--for now
No images please.
It just makes it hard for us to use the 'quote' feature on the board when you convert lyrics into an image.
I think the lyric/story 'finds itself' at line 8. From that point on I enjoy the way the story's spun. It also is easy to imagine a vocal meter and melody from that point on. The internal rhymes would make it especially fun to set to music. Nice start. I think you could look at the beginning which, by your own admission, was written in a disjointed manner and either rewrite it or use it as a spoken/sung intro ala many of the popular songs of the 1930's. To put it to music you would likely want to write a chorus which would break it up and lengthen it at the same time. jmho, Dave. aka up-fiddler
It just makes it hard for us to use the 'quote' feature on the board when you convert lyrics into an image.
I think the lyric/story 'finds itself' at line 8. From that point on I enjoy the way the story's spun. It also is easy to imagine a vocal meter and melody from that point on. The internal rhymes would make it especially fun to set to music. Nice start. I think you could look at the beginning which, by your own admission, was written in a disjointed manner and either rewrite it or use it as a spoken/sung intro ala many of the popular songs of the 1930's. To put it to music you would likely want to write a chorus which would break it up and lengthen it at the same time. jmho, Dave. aka up-fiddler
Manslick
Well-known member
Yep
I wondered when someone would notice the image. I figured that simple trick would deter people from bothering to retype anything.
I agree with everything you said. Line 8 is where it gets serious lol.
If I ever go forward with this I definitely need a hook for a chorus. So yesterday I started thinking about the old bit about the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. I can’t use any of that so I’m leaning toward something about the rain and its refrain, seems like a nice counterpoint since everything else is about rain.
Thanks for making me think.
I wondered when someone would notice the image. I figured that simple trick would deter people from bothering to retype anything.
I agree with everything you said. Line 8 is where it gets serious lol.
If I ever go forward with this I definitely need a hook for a chorus. So yesterday I started thinking about the old bit about the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain. I can’t use any of that so I’m leaning toward something about the rain and its refrain, seems like a nice counterpoint since everything else is about rain.
Thanks for making me think.
grimtraveller
If only for a moment.....
This is interesting. If you gave me a book of poetry it would be 30 years before I got around to reading it coz poetry on it's own does nothing for me. Now that's not a comment about poets, rather, about me. But if you put those poems to music that I liked and called them songs, I'd become interested in the lyrics ! I love lyrics. Even if they don't make sense. I don't care about meter. If you listen to music from all over the world and different eras, meter becomes less an issue. There are, even in the West, lots of different kinds of songs.
Now these lyrics are cool. I like them. But that's coz I'm forcing myself to imagine that they are set to great music.
grimtraveller
If only for a moment.....
"The air won't care to hold me in tiny drops of dew
A billion crumbs of me will fall from here to Timbuktu"
Slick,
When you get around to putting music to this, be certain that this part is particularly striking ! It's a beautiful set of lines. I haven't a clue what it means.....yet it is pregnant with meaning and I could see myself flying down the motorway singing it with gusto, abandon and emotion.
A billion crumbs of me will fall from here to Timbuktu"
Slick,
When you get around to putting music to this, be certain that this part is particularly striking ! It's a beautiful set of lines. I haven't a clue what it means.....yet it is pregnant with meaning and I could see myself flying down the motorway singing it with gusto, abandon and emotion.
Manslick
Well-known member
For someone who said "poetry on it's own does nothing for me" you nailed the one piece of this that I paraphrased from Act 3. Scene II of Romeo and Juliet.
The following is where I got the idea. See if you make the connection.
To me, those are some of the best lines ever written. I'd like to know what William Shakespeare was thinking when he wrote that.
Now as to what I wrote means, it is generally about the cycle of life and the relationship of air and water. Water is arguably the most powerful force on earth. In my little piece, water in the form of rain broke me down, picked me up and dropped me all over. I did add one little jab at racism and apartheid, in the bit about the rain being indiscriminate and neutral. In time the rain will join us all together.
So if you find your bad self flying down the motorway singing it with gusto, abandon and emotion, please turn on the recorder.
Thanks for the kind words.
