Think she'll like it?

[reshp1]

First time posting in this forum...

My girlfriend is going away to grad school this fall and is having a hard time with the thought of being apart for a year, especially as it's getting closer and closer now. I wrote this song to give her as a going away present. I'll see if I can post a scratch recording tonight, but for now here are the lyrics.

(verse)
Twilight echos silent
Ushers in another...
Day that brings us closer to the end

What were distant rumblings
Are now upon our doorstep
Won't be long 'til we are torn apart
And thrown adrift.

(pre-chorus)
But I do not worry
I have no fear
I am not burdened
By thoughts of despair

(chorus)
I found you once, I will find you again
If it takes a thousand years from now until then
When all that was once lost will be found again
A day when the broken hearted can mend

(verse)
If time erases memory
Of each moment we've shared
Until we are perfect strangers then....
We'll start again

(pre-chorus)
I do not worry
I have no doubt
I have no intention
Of living without you.

Chorus..


I don't really like the second half of the chorus, maybe a little repetitive with the "...find you again" and "...found again" two lines later. Critiques and suggestions are much appreciated.

 

[Megaman]

you could always replace them with words like discover, search, seek...But sometimes a little repetition gets the point across. And I think she'll like it

 

[andydeedpoll]

its nice, and a great idea.

hhmm... second half of the chorus. its alright, but yeah, i can maybe understand why you might want to put something different as well.



Andy

 

[mikeh]

Some nice "sensitive" lyrical phrases. I would certainly think she would like it.

I'm not comfortable offering lyrics for other writer's songs, but using Megaman's flow of thought, I found myself thinking the 3rd line of the chorus something like

"When all that was lost can be re-discovered"

I hope the two of you can hold your love during the extended absence - it seems that which is meant to be, will be.

 

[reshp1]

Thanks guys. She came over 2 nights ago unannounced and caught me working on it. Kinda blew the surprise, but she definitely did liked it.