What are you using to record? I can't really give you a fair critique because I'm listening on shitty computer speakers right now. I can tell you that there's too much snare. Might want to look into that. Don't hear the Bass much at all, but again that might just be my speakers.
As far as the song goes, the first thing I would do is re-write the drums. It sounds like he's just doodling around through out most of it. I like the slower parts. the Drummer's easing back and letting the groove happen, but the rest of it is out of whack drum wise. He's loosing the beat in a lot of spots. Make sure he knows the song. It sounds to me like he's taking his cues from you. He's about a beat behind during almost all the changes. He's the drummer for goodness sake, he shouldn't be following your lead on a written song.
A bit long, there's no real surprises. And that goes for everything I've heard from you guys'. Once you've heard the dirty and clean parts, you've heard it all. No need for the song to go that long; unless you're looking on adding a lot of lyrics or solo's. Know what your trying to say with the song. Don't just play for the sake of playing.
My biggest suggestion would be to make sure you are all listening to eachother. Sounds like you're all playing the same song, just not at the same time. Make sure those heavy sections hit hard. Make sure your drummer knows the song and can hear when he's lost the rhythm. WORK WITH HIM!! There's nothing worse than a drummer who can't keep the beat. It will fuck up even the greatest of songs. I don't mean to pick on your drummer but a solid beat is essential.
