"the bullet"

C

comfused

New member
hi,

I'm pretty new to songwriting so all help is appreciated !

I'm writing a song about the second between triggering a gun and receiving the bullet
so the 'singer' is looking in the barrel and describes what's happening / what he feels

parts of the song could be like this:

.. looking in the barrel of the gun ..
.. life flashes before my eyes ..
.. heart pounds the blood ..
.. will I scream? ..
.. will I be noticed? ..
.. I feel the bullet ..
.. I feel the steel ..
.. I feel the cold ..


I was wondering if anybody had any nice catching sentence I could use
or an idea / a twist I could use in this theme

thx in advance !!
 
Hey man, I hate to burst a very well rounded bubble, but you might try listening to a song called "45" by a band called Shinedown. This song has alot of the same lyrical context as the ideas you've posted here. It's a good song man, and a good idea, but it may already be taken. Sorry man, just informing not trying to deflate. lol. ;)

the kid
 
ok .. this is what I have so far
any thoughts please

------------------------------------------------------
flash - my live
I feel the cold
I feel the steel
my heart pounds the blood

will I scream - will I be noticed

Time slows down
I see it happening to me
it's like a bird's-eye view
what is the time?

still feel calm
but a pounding heart
who's gonna find out
what has happened to me?

the pain kicks in
eclipsing all in the past
a distorted sense
where is the time?

survival instinct - trumping pain

will I fight or flight ?

I feel more alive dead, cause it takes the pain away
------------------------------------------------------
 
producerkid said:
Hey man, I hate to burst a very well rounded bubble, but you might try listening to a song called "45" by a band called Shinedown. This song has alot of the same lyrical context as the ideas you've posted here. It's a good song man, and a good idea, but it may already be taken. Sorry man, just informing not trying to deflate. lol. ;)

the kid
Click to expand...

Well no ideas are unique in songwriting, this shouldn't put anyone off trying to write about the same subject but in a different way. In any case by the time the music scomes into the picture it should hopefully be different to the Shinedown song anyway?
 
Almost any subject has already been written about - if no one was allowed to write about a subject that had already been addressed, there would be 1,000,000,000 less love songs in the world.

comfused,

I find the concept of your story interesting - even more interesting since I think the person is facing the barrel of someone else's gun (vs. suicide).

Your story line does seem to have a start - the flash (of the gun???) and the feel of steel (the bullet???) but the middle is fragmented and the end confused me - fight or flight (it seems to late - the bullet already hit in the 1st 3 lines).

Just my view, but perhaps if you built the story a little more it could flow better. As an example, in the 1st few lines he/she in looking into the barrel. They consider the fight or flight at that time. Then they see the finger start to pull the trigger, realizing it is too late to fight or flee they then wonder if there will be pain and if they will scream. As they feel the bullet enter they wonder who will find me. Perhaps as they start to fall to the ground they then realize the pain and the distorted sense of time.

Again, just my opinion - I'm sure you have your own vision.
 
Actually mikeh it occurs to me that the fight or flight thing could refer to whether he will fight to stay alive or just give up and let himself go - ties in nicely with his last line, that may be what he meant anyway.

I think that starting with the trigger going off is cool, and that time slowing down thing could be good if the cliche monster can be kept at bay.

Interesting. Would be even more interesting to hear what kind of music you have in mind for it.
 
mikeh said:
Almost any subject has already been written about
Click to expand...

even female nipple erections? thats my next project....

i like the concept of what youre trying to write about. will take some work, but so do all songs that dont fit the normal love/hate/etc/etc format.

good luck with it, hope to hear a recorded version in the mp3 clinic sometime...
 
thanks for all the replies!
its really nice when people try to figure out your lyrics :-)

>> yes the story is told from the person being shot by somebody else
>> the 'flash' in the beginning = 'life flashes before my eyes'
>> fight or flight = will I fight for my live or spread my wings and go to heaven ;-)

if the cliche monster can be kept at bay
>> what cliche monster?

what kind of music you have in mind for it
>> hardcore (with a screamy/emo voice)

hope to hear a recorded version in the mp3 clinic sometime
>> one day .. one day - normally we should have our recording-equipment next week :-)


thanks again for the reactions
 
I stand corrected on two fronts:

1) My incorrect interpretation of the words

2) Perhaps "female nipple erections" has not been adressed in song (although I can't help but think if not a title subject they must at least appear as a line in a couple of songs).
 
mikeh - :) misinterpretation is always the writer's fault (at least I think it is if I'm doing the writing).

I feel that female nipple erection is perhaps an event better invoked in reality than grubbed around in a song :). Auto nipple erection on the other hand opens up some interesting creative vistas...for either gender now I come to think of it....

comfused - on the cliche monster - long suffering readers of my posts here know about my hyper sensitive cliche detector - they really get me going - not saying there were any signs of it in your interesting lyric.
 
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