The Alter With No Name

[Bucks]

The Altar With No Name

THE ALTAR WITH NO NAME

© Buck Stewart
July 2004

Sweet gentle life so vulnerable
Two hearts beat in one
Think before we act
Some things can’t be undone

Growing, in a secret place
Evicted without just cause
Should we dare flaunt
Our own Creator’s laws

Sometimes it’s hard to do what's right
But that donesn't make it wrong
Don’t destroy the beauty
Turn a blind eye to the blame
Don't sacrifice what is not ours
On the altar with no name

There is no clever turn of phrase
That can conceal the act
Can’t hide behind words
It's real and still a fact

What on earth has happened to us
So cold to the truth
Exploited imperfection, our brains have been set on fire
Blinded by the lure of ease, convenience and desire

A father abuses a mother
We all know that’s not right
But why should the child
Pay for it with its life

Sometimes it’s hard to do what's right
But that donesn't make it wrong
Don’t destroy the beauty
Turn a blind eye to the blame
Don't sacrifice what is not ours
On the altar with no name

 

[Aaron Cheney]

Wow.

The first thing that comes to mind is that a song about abortion is going to be a VERY tough sell. There is no more devisive an issue, and no issue to which people are less receptive to a different point of view.

Beyond that, I really liked some of the lines, especially in the chorus. "Alter with no name" is a good hook line. "Turn a blind eye to the blame" is also a great line (nice inside head-rhyme!).

"We all know that's not right" is a weak spot. Anytime a lyric starts talking directly to the listener it's a mistake, IMO. Better and more effective to just tell the story and let the listener draw coclusions on their own.

A

 

[TaoManna Don]

I agree with everything Aaron said. But I want to take it quite a bit further. It may be difficult to find acceptance for a song about abortion; but I do wish you would give it another try. You obviously have the talent to do it.

But this time leave out the comments about right or wrong. Don't make judgements; just tell the story. You didn't tell a story at all in your first version; you just offer a very good description of the problem. Instead, this time make your song a story, a personal story. "The Brief Life of Becky's Baby" , something like that. Pick a title that you can repeat in the song. If you chose an "AABA" song structure, have the title appear at least once in each of the verses (the "A" sections). If you chose an "ABAB" song structure, the title should appear at least once in each repeat of the chorus (the "B" section, in this case). Then tell the story in the verses. Tell how she got pregnant, what she went through, why she chose to abort the child. Let her actions describe how she felt along the way. Don't offer comment or opinion, just tell Becky's story.

See my thread "Life Doesn't Rhyme" for advise about rhyming. This song certainly is a candidate for unrhymed verses.

At worst, this could be a good exersize for you. At best, if might be a great song.

Keep writing,
Don

 

[George Parler]

Buck,

There are song writers who are so sacred of not being politically correct that they shy away from writing their true thoughts and feelings. The essence of what you first write usually expresses what you really feel of the subject matter. It's fine to go back and brush it up gramatically or to smooth out the rough spots in the lyrical flow. But the essence of what you originally wrote should remain intact. If you change what you say to what someone else believes you should say, then you've been led to write their expression and not your own.

Granted, to write any song that touches on abortion can be contriversial to say the least. But if you have stronge feelings about it, write it. Now on the other hand, if you are just wanting to turn a buck, then the fewer listeners you rub the wrong way the better off your marketing will be.

I also wrote a song dealing with abortion called, Silent Cries. (It's floating around in this Songwriting Forum somewhere.) It was on our second CD project and did well in our neck of the woods.

Anyway, that my 2 cents.

Live real and write it down.

<><
George

 

[Bucks]

Thanks for your imput Aaron, Don, and George. I appreciate your taking the time to look this over and comment. It's a tough subject and many won't agree with its point of view but I'm really not looking for it to be commercial.
Thanks again for your encouraging words.
Best Regards
Buck