Testicular Epiphany

[theron]

Well, that's the title and here's the words.

The song gets it's thrust from the arrangment.
It's a blues/swing/ jazzy thang. So, please excuse the reps.


V
Took a walk along the water
ancient dreams in tow
Asked the cresent moon
how I could make them so.

Fell into the river
with a perfect belly flop
The moon said "stop your stumbling son"
"shake what you've got"

Chorus
And the water in the river was so damn cold
I'm still waiting for my balls to drop.

V
It ain't an easy inspiration
with these ego parasites
laying eggs of second guessing
hatch a head full of fright.

So's I try to stay in tune
with a groove that feels free
Let my digrestions and my loving
come naturally.

Bridge
Trying to dicipline a barrel of monkeys
When I blink, they spill the beans
Now all I got's a rusty can of worms
to keep my good name clean.

Instumental break.
Bridge
repeat 1st verse
repeat chorus(and last chorus line x3)


The end.
\\

Hope this one translates when just written down.

I'd love any feedback you folks have.

Thanks for your time.
Theron.

 

[chazba]

I like it but how 'bout "ain't no" instead of "ain't an" IMHO flows better and gives an internal rhyme to "ego"
Whatcha think??

writeon...chazba

 

[theron]

wow! a reply

Thanks for reading and responding.

I actually just got done playing this song durning my nightly jam and I think the change you suggested is what I sing without realizing it. It does flow and adds that "internal rhyme"that I tend to dig on.

I'll pay more attention to what I sing next time and force myself to change it I fall back to the written version.

Thanks again.
Theron.

 

[badgas]

I can relate to those lyrics, Theron.
The easy flow is comfortable.

The only thing I could comment on is the last line.

"So's I try to stay in tune
with a groove that feels free
Let my digrestions and my loving
come naturally"

I felt a bump when I read it and put it to music at this spot.
The mark in the lyrics is ok, but in some previous verses the mark count was higher.
I think it's just using two words that I found something amiss.

It all depends on your music, timing and relationship between lyrics and music, but I'd feel more comfortable singing it if a one or two syllable word were added.

"So's I try to stay in tune
with a groove that feels free
Let my digrestions and my loving
come purely naturally"

or some other such word, even a single syllable would work.

When I went over it several times I got hung up on this spot.
Probably just me.
Your music makes the difference.

Really nice. I like the way you use simple words with a flavor of longer ones sprinkled in.
It's kinda sad I had to pick on the number of words in a line, but your lyrics are pretty good as far as I'm concerned.

Good luck.