Sunshine Girl

[matt's bedroom]

This one's called Sunshine Girl - I think it's difficult to see lyrics without hearing the song so I'll try to post an mp3 shortly.

Please tell me what you think, constructive criticism very welcome,

~*~ Matt

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Sunshine Girl

Sing me a song in a wonderful place and go crazy, always the same
Sun in your hair, sun in you eyes you’re so crazy, wondering why…
…the sun won’t shine when you’re not there and every time you slip away like sunshine


Sing me a song in a wonderful place and go crazy, always the same
Sun in your hair, sun in your eyes you’re so crazy, wondering why…
…the sky turns red when you’re not there and every time you slip away like sunshine


…you fall asleep but then it rains and washes you away just like the sunshine
Sunshine girl

 

[badgas]

Hey Matt.

The only thing I might change is the color of the sky.
To me, a 'red' sky is an angry sky, an aggressive sky, unless it relates to sunrises or sunsets.

I get feel your feeling down, gloomy when she's not there.
A 'gray' sky, to me, conveys that feeling much more than red.

Yeah, lyrics without music is hard to talk about.
Even when you take the #1 song on the chart and read the lyrics without the music or melody, something just isn't there.
I guess it boils down to the right melody for the lyrics.

Like the lyrics to 'Yesterday' just wouldn't sound right to the tune of 'We Will Rock You'.
I try to keep that in mind when I make a post about someones song. I don't want to dent any feelings.

Anyway, your song is pretty good. Can't wait to hear it.

Good luck.

 

[matt's bedroom]

Cheers Badgas,

I might change that lyric - 'grey' sky sounds like it could fit the melody and is probably more appropriate.

-Matt

 

[NationalSandwic]

it seems short.... is there more?

i love the opening line "sing me a song..." - great feel to it.
the 'grey' suggestion is good.

 

[matt's bedroom]

Nah, all the songs I've written tend to be short - I think I must have a short attention span.

The thing is, I hear so many songs that really seem to drag after a couple of verses or whatever - in my opinion some parts don't really need to be there.

I guess minimalism is my philosophy - simplifying and condensing a song into a managable bite with as few complications as possible.

-Matt