Suffocating

[Fat_Satchel]

I'm hoping to get some comments on this...its still a work in progress and I need the input...good bad and ugly hehehe

You can listen to it here

Thanks to anyone commenting!

Suffocating © 2008 by Matt Brosnan

All these years
And all the tears
Here they come again
Same old fears
Just like it was before
Just like it was before

Suffocating
Tired of waiting
God, I’ve got to breathe
Silence fading
All I hear is noise
It sounds like your voice

I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe

Trade it all
Avoid the fall
Don’t want to crawl again
Build a wall
Higher than before
Without a door

Let you in
Never again
I can’t take no more
Never win
Crawling on the floor
I can’t take anymore

I can’t breathe
I’m suffocating
I can’t breathe
I’m suffocating

But I don’t mind
If you don’t mind
No, I don’t mind
If you don’t mind
Suffocating with me

I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
I’m suffocating
...

 

[gecko zzed]

Sometimes it's easy to comment on lyrics, because they stand up in their own right. At other times, you need the context of the music to hear the lyrics take on life.

These lyrics are ok, though they didn't command my attention the way others have. So I thought I would listen to the recording and see what they told me.

Unfortunately, they didn't tell me much. They were so deeply buried in the mix that I couldn't get a sense of the relationship of words to the music . . . it was just a kind of muddled thing with not a lot of clarity.

On the MP3 site you note that you need to retrack the guitars because of the noise. Possibly, but equally possibly you could remix this track so that they were not so relentlessly forward in the mix, give the other instruments a bit more prominence, and particularly give the vocals prominence.

I heard some really interesting things happening on the track, and it was rhythmically interesting (though I did notice it getting a bit hazardous just before the end where the guitars lost touch a bit with the kit), so I expect this will turn out to be an interesting song.

At this stage, though, it is too hard to tell . . . I'm not getting enough information.

 

[up-fiddler]

All we are saying......

.......is give vox a chance. (My apologies to Mr. Lennon) If you are covering a song that everyone knows then it is fine to bury the vox inside because their prior knowledge of the song will fill in the lyrical gaps. When you are recording original music a good rule of thumb to follow is to keep the vox up front and understandable for the listener.

As far as the lyrics go......I have to admit I like them. The idea of a lengthy relationship that keeps two people together longer than they should have been is age old and portrayed well here. The suffocating relationship shows two people who feel trapped and unable to grow. There is great power in that storyline and one that some people could relate to. Of course, these are just my honest thoughts and I could be way off base with my interpretation. If I am right then I hope this isn't based on a true life situation for you. Good luck with the remix/rerecord.

 

[ido1957]

Yep - the vocals need to come up so they are discernable without having the lyric sheet handy. I like your idea of the fast delivery of the verses, then the slower drawn out chorus line. That's something you don't hear often... How about a scream or two of... "I CAN"T BREATHE" to lift up the song a bit?

 

[Fat_Satchel]

thanks a bunch!

really...thanks. my vox are always a problem...dont consider myself a singer though i do it to write the material...seems i tend to always mix my vox low, not wanting to hear myself LOL as well as poor mixing skills...on my system they are very upfront in the mix.

Gecko caught the off-time guitar towards the end...good ear, no one here locally has picked up on it...or maybe didnt say anything....I punched in that part and didnt get the timing right. Thanks for pointing it out, and for taking the time to listen to the track.

Up-fiddler, although I am having relationship problems with my GF [and subconsiously a part of that has probably seeped into this song] I am having some other Life problems as well that this originates from...I wanted to give Hope a human form [such as the line "it sounds like your voice"] and bring out the relationship we all have with that form and how it can feel [for me] suffocating to pick up pieces and start over, hoping for something better.

Thats not to say I sat down with the intent to convey that specific message...I picked up my acoustic, strummed the chords and wrote the lyrics in about 30 mins....just came from how i was feeling at the moment.

Ido...the "screaming" of the last lines is something several people have suggested. Get more power in the ending for emphasis!!

Thanks guys...sometimes friends and family are too polite, and objective opinion goes a long way to improving a song.

I'll post a remix soon to see if I've conveyed your comments

LS