Spooky Dollhouse

[Clark_Griswold]

Could you, would you, please crit this and let me know what specific changes you would make?

Thanks all,
C

Rough of the music...
http://www.artistcollaboration.com/~clarkgriswold/spookydollhouse_drums.wma

Spooky Dollhouse


1. She sits on the couch
Looking through
Stained glassed
Skylights
All night

Hiding our fears
As we reach in
To turn on
The lights

Bridge:

Brought from the past
She used to bring joy
To hearts all around
But she’s just a toy
And she’s scaring us all
She’s bringing us down

2. He hangs on a nail
Watching us walk
Past
The door

The dark silhouette
Of this marionette
Haunts
Us all

Chorus:

In the spooky dollhouse
We will cover our eyes
We will hide all our fears
Maybe we’ll realize
That it’s not all outside
But it’s inside our heads


3. Tip-toeing past
Her eyes are too fast
To
Escape

Don’t even look
He’s up on that hook
Turn
Away
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

[mikeh]

I normally don't like to make specific critique of words or phrases - but I did find this to be a unique subject matter.

I can't recall ever hearing a song about the scary side of dolls - very interesting.

 

[Clark_Griswold]

Mikeh,

Thanks for taking a look. Good or bad, it's nice to be interesting!!

Cheers,
C

 

[Rokket]

I like the lyrics too. As far as the music, you need to record with the lyrics, so I can get a better feel for it. The mix wasn't too bad, but the drums are kind of flat. You need to bring them up a bit. I could hear the snare just fine, but not much else. Good job, you've got something. I won't look at my daughter's dolls the same!

 

[Clark_Griswold]

Hey Rokket,

Thanks! Yeah, I agree on the drums. This was just a quickie mix to get a feel for the tune...

Once I shake this never-ending cold, I will get the lyrics recorded

Thanks again,
C