Song I wrote called Balls to love

[lend_me_talent]

Ok I jotted this down real quick please give me some feedback. I haven't been around as much to critique other peoples stuff, but I will this weekend.



Balls to Love

Odd we are strangers
when we know each other
Once thought we could be
meant for one another
Somehow we went the wrong direction
at the place where love and hate meet
Give anything to be back
at that intersection
Instead of being the lonely headlights
Heading the wrong way
down a one way street

I’ve become background noise to you
I scream but you don’t know it
All along I shoulda knew
That I’d be a victim of circumstance
A man that loves must be a fool
Or have the balls to take a chance


The clock on the wall shows
an hour past empty
Hands and heart similarly
Fools rush in
where the brave lay broken
Dashed on rocks of vows unspoken
the poisoned I planted tree bears fruit
I've been infected
From the tainted seeds
While my torment becomes the flame
that my passion feeds
I’ve eaten the fruit and lost Eden
But for love I'd take the chance again


Joe Ford

 

[Aaron Cheney]

Hey Lend_Me,

Well, again you've ventured into the realm of poetry. You're imagry is interesting, but as lyrics they aren't as effective as they could be.

Here are a couple specific points:

1) Title: Balls to Love

Not exactly the most eloquent turn of phrase, but I suppose if we're going for angry metal it could work. The bigger problem is that it doesn't appear one single place in your lyrics. A person should be able to look at your lyrics and know the title after one reading, without being told.

2) Verse 2 says essentially the same stuff as verse 1. The imagry is cool, but cool imagry just doesn't hold up without something to attach itself to. Give us a story with characters to care about.

3) Too many words. Keep your lines short and very simple. I have a tendancy to do this too, and I'm forever forcing myself to rewrite shorter phrases that are easier to sing.


A
www.aaroncheney.com