some lyrics check em out

G

[Goldfish]

New member
man, big thanks to henri devill and badgas for their replies to my writers block post. just reading your replies and hearing the encouragement was enough to get something flowing again. i immediately wrote this. it's not all that great, but it's something, and that's more than nothing, which is what iv'e had for the last 3 or 4 months. here goes.

(no title)

intro rap (no music)
Allow me to reiterate
One more time
Again
F*****g with me should never have been
On your agenda
Cause now I'm gonna send ya
Straight to the trash
After you kiss my ass

(verse 1)
You
You said you loved me
And you
Said you'd be there for me
But you
Had to go and f*** with me
And now
Heh, heh....... you'll see

(chorus)
You'll get yours in the end
You thought you broke my heart, but all it did was bend
And now it's springing back
I'm ready to attack
And take my revenge
On you

(verse 2)
You
Why did you hurt me?
Who cares
Cause now you better turn and flee
See now
I know exactly
How I
I am gonna make you bleed

(chorus)

that's about as far as i got but man i swear that's more than i've had in a while.

like i said, it's not all that great, and sorry for being a little twisted, that's just where my head was i guess
 
Goldfish -

Once I saved a brief midi guitar riff (among others) to which I gave the title "You'll get yours". But I cant say i had lyrics in mind comparable to the firy words you posted. I especially like the chorus, but i wouldnt like the be the person it (if it was) written about!
 
jojo, thx for the reply, and yeah it is about a person. ex-fiancee to be exact =)

i just wish i could get more responses than this. patience young jedi.....
 
Damn Goldfish.

Or should I call you Goldshark.

That's a violent piece of work, and there is an audiance for that.
I read it last night, but decided to wait and check it out again today.
I read it again today, and read it again.

Rap song, I take it.

You've made it clear what the story of your song is about.
No doubt about that.

I have to say, I'm not familar with rap that well.
I don't even understand most of it.
The structure of the lyrics should hold up with no problem.

Like most songs, the music and the lyrics have to kind merge, or marry so they compliment each other.

That's about all I can say, Goldfish.
Wish I could be of more help.
Hang tight, some one will come along with something to say that makes more sence than what I've prattled about.
 
actually, it's not a rap song. i've never really written rap. just the intro is meant to be "rapped" so to speak. as for the rest, well for the verse i had in mind a slow acoustic melody maybe, and i hear it jumping into a really bass-heavy, hard, fast riff in my head for the chorus. some turn-table scratching somewhere in the background would fit well too.

heh, so i guess you weren't too far off when you said rap, i guess it does have alot of that sort of flavor to it, but no it was meant to be for very bass-heavy, hardcore rock in my mind. (i.e. linkin park meets slipknot)

which brings me too a good point. it seems these days that lines between genres are becoming fainter and fainter, with each one adopting traits from the next. i don't even know what to call half the music these day there are so many classifications.

i don't know why i bring this up, but it seems interesting to me and i guess i'm just wondering if anyone else would like to comment on it.
 
just wanted to post an updated version of the lyrics, theyre done now. well, for the time being.....

You Shouldn't Have

intro rap
(no music)
Allow me to reiterate
One more time
Again
F*****g with me should never have been
On your agenda
Cause now I'm gonna send ya
Straight to the trash
After you kiss my ass

You
You said you loved me
And you
Said you'd be there for me
But you
Had to go and f*** with me
And now
Heh, heh....... you'll see

(chorus)
You'll get yours in the end
You thought you broke my heart, but all it did was bend
And now it's springing back
I'm ready to attack
And take my revenge
On you

You
Why did you hurt me?
Who cares
Cause now you better turn and flee
See now
I know exactly
How I
I am gonna make you bleed

(chorus)x2

You said you'd love me
Said that you'd never leave me
But you did and now you'll see
Just what exactly
I have in mind.....
B****

the end.
 
Hi Goldfish

I made some suggestions for ya at Tunesmith.....
I think you are correct in the assumption that your particular type of lyric will not get much critique there.....
The boards claim to be for all music, and I believe that to be true to a certain degree but, it is definitely geared towards commercially acceptable and specifically country music.
Hell....it's based out of Nashville....go figure.
Good luck with your lyric,
Joe
 
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