Solstice - Folk Song

F

Freddy

New member
I've not been on here for a while, but have been writing. This is the latest one I am working on. I have had some feedback. The general view is that "panoply" is a bad word :)

I'd be grateful for any input on the lyrics or on the recording, though.. I'm pretty new to recording and it's an uphill struggle!

The song is about a celebration of the summer equinox I attended as a young hippy, and about change and renewal.

If you would like to hear it, it's here .. www.magnoliahouse.info/Solstice.html

Solstice

We stayed awake all night to watch the sparking of the day,
Saw darkness softly fading into lighter shades of grey.
Stonehenge stood before us as the first touch of the sun
Eased the chill and whispered that our new lives had begun.
And even though I was only seventeen,
Some magic in the solstice seemed to wash my spirit clean,
And every breath I took I was breathing life anew.
There was magic in that solstice as the sun was breaking through.

Our backs were to the embers. We were facing the unknown.
We may have been together, but we faced it all alone.
Struck dumb, we watched the sun disperse the mist across the plain
And swore our lives would never, ever be the same again.
And even though we were only seventeen,
And thought we’d shared a vision that the ancients must have seen,
A panoply of futures came streaming from the blue,
With magic in the choices and the chances to renew.

When life is not worth living
And I’m prompted to complain,
When I feel my spirit
Can no longer take the strain,
When I can’t see the sun because
I’m blinded by the rain,
That solstice seems to find me
It reaches out to find me
It reaches out to find me
And I’m seventeen
Again.

I was changed forever more than thirty years ago.
I never lost the wonder of the boy of who stood alone,
Enraptured by a sunrise and the beauty of the stones.
There’s magic in each sunrise and it feels like coming home.

When life is not worth living
And I’m prompted to complain,
When I feel my spirit
Can no longer take the strain,
When I can’t see the sun because
I’m blinded by the rain,
It reaches out to find me
It reaches out to find me
It reaches out to find me
And I’m seventeen
Again.​
 
This one is well crafted in my opinion. Keep panoply. Perhaps the listener will actually pick up a dictionary and learn something. I think that this set of lyrics will need just the right musical arrangement to help provide emphasis on the storyline. Nice work.;)
 
Super job! I love all the vivid imagery in the words. Very cool positive message there too, me likes! :D
 
I used ‘panoply’ in a presentation a month ago and only about half the group of ‘teachers’ new what it was – it was an IT workshop and the other half thought it was the name of the software.

That said I think it is completely appropriate with the ‘ancient’ imagery you are using – the word originally applied to the selection of weaponry the soldiers of the classic era had at their disposal.

This is superbly crafted; In the Vs. you build up such a strong visuals through direct language and this is excellent. But for me the first two lines of the Ch continue this, but don’t match to the more lyrical imagery that follows. I think the Ch would hold very well if you dispensed with the first 2 lines and start with ‘When I feel . . .’

Other than that I’m with Up-Fiddler and think it just needs the right arrangement to really work. It is such a positive message – it must have been a great morning?
 
There have been a couple of comments on having the right arrangement. I'm not sure whether that is because you didn't notice the link to the music above (and haven't heard it) or whether you have heard it and think a bigger arrangement is needed. If the latter, any suggestions?
 
Just had a listen – you have excellent diction – to get all those words out that fast and that clear is excellent.

I love the synth pan pipe and would like to hear more. What about layering in more sound in the different sections (ie second section of Vs and then the Ch) – I could hear a lot of Folk/New World instrumentation – skin drum, whistles: even a bit of ‘didge’ – I know druids didn’t play them, but it is still a great sound.

Have you tried knocking back the tempo a step? It is not that I think it is too fast, but have you experimented?

Great work hope to hear more
 
Interesting suggestion by Whatmysay - take the tempo back a touch. I can hear in spots where the words seem not rushed but crowded by the tempo. In other spots they are perfect though so I am torn...

Other than that arrangement item, the song is really nice. It reminds me of Cat Stevens vocally and playing wise. The lyrics are original though and invoke lots of imagery and emotions....

Well done....:D
 
Nice suggestions - thanks.

On hearing it back, I think it does sound a bit fast in places. I made the mistake of playing it without a click and it is just a fraction faster than I think it should be. I haven't experimented with tempo, and should. To be honest, the tracking was all a bit rushed. There was this guy drilling next door and when he finally stopped I had a half hour to run it through 4 times and see what I was left with.

I think a click will help me add stuff too. Some light percussion .. hmm.. didgeridoo, interesting thought. I don't have one, so would have to see what I could find.

Thanks for the comments on the vocals. I think my vocals need work, and the first verse is especially pitchy. A few bits need redoing. Or maybe I will just invest in Melodyne (snicker) :)

Thanks again!
 
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