Slow Down - Draft, feedback?

Y

yohami

New member
Hi everyone,

This is my first post here, I just recorded a draft of a song. Any feedback is welcome

You can listen to it here yohami.com/?p=18

Slow down

I didnt ask to play this game
I didnt try to light the fire again

But I didnt fight it

I was afraid to face this day
so afraid to feel & shine again

But I heard your calling

Then I was lost & found again
because I was lost within your hands

And Im only trying to say
that I found my soul
and nothing will stand on my way

Because I wont slow, slow down

I may only try to say
when tomorrow calls
that nothing has stood in my way

Because I wont slow, slow down, down down

Slow down


Cheers,
Yohami
 
I really like the walk in and cough – it gives the song a sort of immediacy.

I like the arrangement just as it is; but you could bring in a full band arrangement from ‘I heard your calling’ and maybe write another verse.

It is a very catchy, indie style tune with a good melody and the ‘slow down’ lyric hook would work well if developed a bit further. Your voice sounds great for this genre. As a native English speaker, I am aware of your accent coming through the American style indie vocals – I’m not sure if that is an advantage or not – it certainly makes your vocals distinctive, which is a good thing!

I like to hear this develop further even if it is still just an acoustic arrangement.

HTH

Burt
 
Link is here for those who need it:

http://yohami.com/?p=18

Intros is good - original.

Good song, has a nice current flavor to it. It's something I would hear on a radio :cool:. The only part that I would maybe work on would be the "I wont slow, slow down" part. I was hoping that part would hit some higher notes - much like the first line of the chorus. Just a suggestion. It's coming along well...
 
Sounds a lot like smashing pumpkins circa Disarm - obviously without the full band -could use the 'cellist from that song though.
Good stuff.
Does need another dynamic as suggested by both previous posters.
 
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