cardiff jon
Member
I've just posted some songs on www.nowhereradio.com/jonlenin for the first time and would welcome comments (or contracts from gullible publishers).
Jagular
Active member
Downloaded last night & listening at work on phones
Song:
I hear a lot of obvious clichés in here. I also hear a lot of awkward rhymes going on. In other words, it seems like you were working too hard at finding rhymes and some of them don’t seem to either fit or advance the story. I had a very hard time following a story line in this song.
Recording:
I didn’t like the piano solo being hard panned first left and then right.
Your voice isn’t too bad, but I think you need to sing with more authority. Especially in a song like this. Plus there are some pitch issues there. Maybe they would go away with better technique. Maybe Studioviols will come in and give you some of his singing advice
. It’ pretty good. Or find one of his recent posts. It will be a good read on the subject.
In the verses, the mix sounds very mono. I’d prefer to hear the fuzz guitar doubled and panned L & R some to fill it out some. The acoustic & fuzz gtr sounds are kind of backward to how I would usually think about them being introduced. I would usually expect to hear the acoustic first building to the elec & acoustic and have the elec with the bigger sound (doubled & panned) and have the acoustic sit a little more in the middle. Doesn’t mean yours is wrong. It just surprised me a little. I would consider doubling the elec & panning as I mentioned. Maybe doubling the acoustic and panning L & R but not as much as the elec. Then I would consider bringing the BG vocal back in toward center some. It sounds kind of strange hard panned like the to me. Especially since it’s only one BG vocal. You could also consider doubling the BG vocal and panning L&R a little (not hard). That would give them a little fuller sound. Maybe you can have some piano going on throughout the song. Even a nice stereo piano bed way in the background. When I hear the piano solo come in, I start thinking “where was the keys player during the rest of the song”. I can just picture a guy up on stage just sitting there shaking his ass and then playing a one finger solo for 8 bars and then promptly going back to shaking his ass
The elec gtr sound is kind of dull sounding to me. Needs a little umph. Don’t quite know how to do that. I haven’t recorded much elec. gtr yet. Maybe someone else can help a little more with that.
Hey…I’ve heard a lot worse recordings than this (including some of mine). This isn’t all that bad for a starting effort. Hang around. You can learn a lot here. I know I have. I’m quite new at this an have learned much in the last few months.
Good luck & have fun
Song:
I hear a lot of obvious clichés in here. I also hear a lot of awkward rhymes going on. In other words, it seems like you were working too hard at finding rhymes and some of them don’t seem to either fit or advance the story. I had a very hard time following a story line in this song.
Recording:
I didn’t like the piano solo being hard panned first left and then right.
Your voice isn’t too bad, but I think you need to sing with more authority. Especially in a song like this. Plus there are some pitch issues there. Maybe they would go away with better technique. Maybe Studioviols will come in and give you some of his singing advice
. It’ pretty good. Or find one of his recent posts. It will be a good read on the subject.In the verses, the mix sounds very mono. I’d prefer to hear the fuzz guitar doubled and panned L & R some to fill it out some. The acoustic & fuzz gtr sounds are kind of backward to how I would usually think about them being introduced. I would usually expect to hear the acoustic first building to the elec & acoustic and have the elec with the bigger sound (doubled & panned) and have the acoustic sit a little more in the middle. Doesn’t mean yours is wrong. It just surprised me a little. I would consider doubling the elec & panning as I mentioned. Maybe doubling the acoustic and panning L & R but not as much as the elec. Then I would consider bringing the BG vocal back in toward center some. It sounds kind of strange hard panned like the to me. Especially since it’s only one BG vocal. You could also consider doubling the BG vocal and panning L&R a little (not hard). That would give them a little fuller sound. Maybe you can have some piano going on throughout the song. Even a nice stereo piano bed way in the background. When I hear the piano solo come in, I start thinking “where was the keys player during the rest of the song”. I can just picture a guy up on stage just sitting there shaking his ass and then playing a one finger solo for 8 bars and then promptly going back to shaking his ass
The elec gtr sound is kind of dull sounding to me. Needs a little umph. Don’t quite know how to do that. I haven’t recorded much elec. gtr yet. Maybe someone else can help a little more with that.
Hey…I’ve heard a lot worse recordings than this (including some of mine)
. This isn’t all that bad for a starting effort. Hang around. You can learn a lot here. I know I have. I’m quite new at this an have learned much in the last few months. Good luck & have fun
T
TripleM
Well-known member
I listened to jack kerouac...
I thought the direct/acostic sound worked well on this particular song. Interesting title.
Some pitch issues on the vocals. Some synching issues on them too.
Jag mentioned singing more authortatively. I'd agree. There were certain notes in the song, like when you're hitting "Jack" in the chorus, that need to be hit hard. They're kind of soft.
Some of the vocals don't cut through. I'd work on compression.
Some clipping going on at several spots in the song. A lot of static-type noise going on in the bridge - is that clipping?
From what I can tell on small headphones, the bass sound is nice, particularly later in the song.
Trip...
I thought the direct/acostic sound worked well on this particular song. Interesting title.
Some pitch issues on the vocals. Some synching issues on them too.
Jag mentioned singing more authortatively. I'd agree. There were certain notes in the song, like when you're hitting "Jack" in the chorus, that need to be hit hard. They're kind of soft.
Some of the vocals don't cut through. I'd work on compression.
Some clipping going on at several spots in the song. A lot of static-type noise going on in the bridge - is that clipping?
From what I can tell on small headphones, the bass sound is nice, particularly later in the song.
Trip...