Red Roof With-Inn

[Stitch9]

So i talk a lot and now I guess I'll give you something too talk back about for better or worse (and all you crazy kids don't worry this isn't about a girl (you gotta wait till the end!)). The lyrics below I'd love too hear some feedback. The drums are done with an MXL990 which I made into two tracks (forgive me), guitar and bass direct in and the vocals done with the MXL990 (i'd type the word "poor" but I can't afford the "r" at the end and that just doesn't sound good...). This is a demo from a computer that started smelling like burnt shortly after mixing this down so maybe it's an omen or something you tell me! I'll add I did all this crap drums too vocals one take and such no loops or anything.
Lyrics for "Red Roof With-Inn":
Red Roof Inn, Where too begin,
I can't explain, what I see within.
A light from afar or a distant star,
or the quickening beams, of your on coming car.
But for now lets depart;
Turn into embers and then fade into dark.

Here I see, a different view,
from the tower that is you.
But its in, another life,
where I'm the tree and your the light.
So for now these embers burn,
and the bodies between us of no concern.

I'v kept mine, do you have yours,
if not, no matter; you were my world.
Not that I told you back then
and that was my mistake i didn't want you to wake.
So sitting hours, here in my room,
I can still only sing, these thing I should have said, to you.

And you should have listened,
because now I am (...shh...) missin'.
I'm his friend and well,
he's got one thing left to tell.

Oh dear loves of mine...
I've got a secret I've been hide-in,
I had a twin born back in nineteen nighty nine.
Stitched back to life as best I could; but
I put his nose on wrong and he don't see that good.
A Red Roof Inn, I am,
and ill be here while the other,
rests his, head.

Now aren't you glad you sent me to bed?
I know I am... NOT!
Though he don't talk to much...
or he doesn't see to good and he smells kinda like;
a funeral home lit on fire; but thats alright
because I'm tired.
And he's here so that I can sleep
without all these things coming in around me.
He's a good guy, he's got a good mind; and
I hope you enjoy him:
while I rest my eyes.

 

[ido1957]

You need to work on your vocal melody. It's monotone and off key a lot. It makes your great lyrics hard to understand while I'm listening. Treat yourself to a new computer...you deserve it! Consider it a reward for writing...

 

[Stitch9]

thanks i honestly would much rather have someone else sing but ya i do the words they just shouldn't come from my mouth except the last part i do like doing the more bizarre voices just none of them sing... ya new computer came too day so getting on here was something i wanted to do for awhile and i made it but ya perfect A's in every music class except the one where i had to sing... (sad face).

 

[famous beagle]

You could become a good enough singer if you really wanted to work at it. You have the necessary tools, meaning a basic concept of pitch. Yes, it does get off key a lot, but that would go away if you sang enough. You'd just really need to develop your ear, and singing is by far (IMO) the best way to do that. So it's a win/win that way.

 

[Stitch9]

yeah... I could but... I write. I don't sing I rap (lame yes fast well... you wouldn't believe it if you heard it) if you can post you rapping too "Breathe" by tech n9ne Ill get voice lessons until you think I can sing. Yes this is a challenge and I will make good on my end if you come through deal?

 

[Stitch9]

ok i'll make it easier you do the first verse of "notorious thugs" ill do voice lessons until you are satisfied... "armed and dangerous ain't who can bang with with us..."

 

[famous beagle]

ok i'll make it easier you do the first verse of "notorious thugs" ill do voice lessons until you are satisfied... "armed and dangerous ain't who can bang with with us..."

Haha ... I have no desire to be a rapper. I don't like to listen to it, much less try to do it. I said if you really wanted to. If you don't, then cool. Do what you do.