rate my song

[Gdailsmith]

This is my first song. Please tell me how I did and how I can make it better please

[Verse 1]
C Am
I was down on my luck, heart shattered in two,
Dm G
Lost in the darkness, didn't know what to do,
C Am
But I picked up the pieces, wiped away my tears,
Dm G
Found the strength within me to conquer my fears.

(Pre-Chorus)
Dm G
I hit rock bottom, but I won't stay there,
Am Dm
Gonna rise like a phoenix, breathe in the fresh air,
Dm G
I'll turn my pain into fuel, let it light up the way,
Am Dm G
This heartbreak won't define me, I'll find a brighter day.

(Chorus)
C Am
From heartbreak to success, I'll soar high above,
Dm G
I'll mend my broken wings, find a new kind of love,
C Am
I'll sing my country song, with a spirit so strong,
Dm G
I'll prove to the world that I belong.

(Verse 2)
Dm Am
I packed up my dreams, left the past behind,
G Dm
Headed down that dusty road, with a hopeful mind,
Dm Am
Through the trials and tribulations, I'll find my way,
G Dm
With every step I take, I'm getting closer each day.

(Pre-Chorus)
Dm G
I hit rock bottom, but I won't stay there,
Am Dm
Gonna rise like a phoenix, breathe in the fresh air,
Dm G
I'll turn my pain into fuel, let it light up the way,
Am Dm G
This heartbreak won't define me, I'll find a brighter day.

(Chorus)
C Am
From heartbreak to success, I'll soar high above,
Dm G
I'll mend my broken wings, find a new kind of love,
C Am
I'll sing my country song, with a spirit so strong,
Dm G
I'll prove to the world that I belong.

(Bridge)
Dm Am
I'll strum my guitar, let the melodies heal,
G Dm
Every note I play, will help me seal the deal,
Dm Am
I'll write my story, with ink made of gold,
G Dm
Turning heartbreak into a tale yet untold.

(Chorus)
C Am
From heartbreak to success, I'll soar high above,
Dm G
I'll mend my broken wings, find a new kind of love,
C Am
I'll sing my country song, with a spirit so strong,
Dm G
I'll prove to the world that I belong.
(Outro)
Am Em
So if you're feeling broken, lost and alone,
Dm G
Remember this song, let it guide you home,
Am Em
You can rise from the ashes, just like I did,
Dm G Em
Turn your heartbreak into success, and let your spirit be lit.

 

[Serendipity Records]

Hi @Gdailsmith and welcome to the forum!

Nice song, for a first really not bad -- now post a scratch recording if you can, without a melody, chord symbols don't say all that much!

I would suggest experimenting with different rhyme schemes -- AABB gets tiring eventually, certainly for a full song! Just keep this in mind in the future

 

[grimtraveller]

It's not a song, it's just a lyric. And to be honest, without the context of the surrounding music and voice, it could as well be about potatoes being dropped in the kitchen as a rat runs by.
A song can be a great song with a lame and terrible lyric. A song can also have amazingly good lyrics but be a dull, unimaginatively boring song.
If you'd like us to critique your song, then let us hear your song not read its lyric. That's a bit like saying "Hey, what do you think of my Mum ?" and posting a photo.