Poem to my father...

S

Snadman

New member
Roses Broken Soil...

Dead looks mascarading my face all the time.
Pains shattering my structure as I express feelings through this rhyme.
Never images of happiness am I able to embrace.
Always tarnished feelings breaking out in my face.
I want to look happy and be happy,
but thats only something I could act.
It's too hard, too frustrating, it's something I definetly lack.
Its too tiring, too exhausting, I cant do it all.
I can't smile or laugh at myself if I ever dropped to a fall.
I crawl...through my insides hoping to find
a light...as I cry I think of broken knowlegde
trapped in my own problems
and no one is around to solve em.
I'm running from the world.
I'm falling into my problems...into my troubles...into more turmoil.
Trying to put myself together again like a roses broken soil.
A face once so bright it would light up the room.
Now a face so dark you cant even tell I'm there.
I stare...into the depths of my mind.
I begin to get lost unable to find
myself...I think I just need some help.
A breakdown is occuring inside of me.
A breakdown is spreading throughout my body.
Slowly my system is shutting me down.
Slowly my mind is leaving me to a lonely death on the ground.
I'm holding on to every single breath I can breathe.
Retaining everything I'd ever need
in life...as I imagine slitting my wrist with this knife,
blood drips from my arm unto the floor.
And my body cries for MORE...pain.
More dark nights and more rain.
I started off so innocent and sweet,
ending my life incompetant and beat.
You think...why does he have such a negative outlook on life?
Well then I tell you why shouldn't I have one?
Have you ever been through what I've been through?
Have you ever seen what I've seen?
Have you ever done what I've done?
NO...your words to me have no meaning.
Your trying to help but its all too demeaning.
I thought I needed you but in the end I didn't.
My hearts been screaming for you but returned feelings were forbidden.
Prohibited...Foreboding...Taboo.
My sorrow was left on a platter for you.
Exhibited...Exploding...in proportion to
the loneliness I sustained
for years I refrained from explaining how I felt.
for years I subdued the turmoil I got from you.
Nevermore can I bare it.
I'm pushing all the weight off my shoulders.
I'm too young to hold them weighing me down like boulders.
I don't need you anymore.
I don't want you anymore.
All I need is myself.
All I want is myself.
And all I will ever have is myself,
with my dead looks,
my dead voice,
my troubles,
and my turmoil...
still on my own putting myself together again like a roses broken soil...

-Brandon Peterson
 
A bit depressing, but engaging overall.

Is this going to remain a poem or are you writing music to it as well?

Looking at your profile, your born in 1987. You have a lot on your mind. Everything ok or not? There ARE people who can help.
 
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We all reach those dark places in our lives at some point. And we think no one else in the world has it as bad as we do. But given time everything works out. It's mostly just growing pains which i believe no one ever really grows out of. Life will always be full of highs and lows, but we can always look for the good in any given situation. Even in the worst situations, there is something that we can walk away with. Adversity builds character and wisdom. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade!

t
 
I agree he has issues, but according to the poem, he's well on the way to dealing with them......

to those who think 14-15 is too young to have all this on their shoulders really have no idea the pressures that teens go through these days.....peer pressure about sex and drugs, pressures about grades in school, broken families and being abandoned by a parent or worse, ignored by one.....

Brandon, you are a brave young man to put your feelings out like this....keep your head up go out and kick this thing we call life in the balls.....
 
Very well said Gidge. The problems teenagers face are very real and just as important as those adults face. Maybe more so, as the decisions on how to deal with the trials and tribulations of life add up and are what make us the adults we become. And don't think the buck stops here because you will be given ample opportunity to make good or bad decisions for the rest of your life.

Brandon you say you are holding on and that suggests to me that you are strong. Your poem shows that you are also very intelligent and i believe that you have reached in insight of reality that many adults have yet to find. When it comes down to it, all any of us have is ourselves just as you said all you want, need, or will ever have is yourself. But you have to make that self someone you love, can take pride in, and trust. Then you will find that the dead thoughts can be overcome and conquered. And what you have left is something very beautiful and priceless which you and only you can share with the rest of the world. In so giving you will find that your life is very significant and that what you have to offer is worth the while.

t
 
Writing can be exelet therapy. I've written stuff I'd never even show most people. In my teen years I cranked them out. It is important to express your feelings.
 
Snadman...Well written. Ifyou have really experienced the loss of your father, then you have managed to get at some very profound stuff. I hope that the writing will help you heal some very deep and potentially crippling wounds.
If on the other hand, you are experimenting with what it might be like to have this happen to you, you have shown a remarkable ability to get into someone else's head. Either way , you have
a real talent and insight, and a fine ability to express yourself through language. I hope that you will continue to polish your talent. I encourage you to read everything you can get your hands on and get REALLY GOOD on some instrument, lots of instruments. Above all, write, write and re-write.
Like others on this thread, I have written a lot of personal stuff that I would never post on an open thread like this and I applaud
your grit for putting this out there and asking for feedback.
write-on...chazba
 
PS...By "loss of your father" I mean to include alienation as well as outright death.....It comes down to the same thing when contact is lost, one way or the other. The up-side of alienation is that it is reversable.
c
 
Very nice!!!

I have an idea you would like to get involved @ this website Snadman, you have a talent for reaching down in there and pulling it out from the gut. Poetry.com But I'm afraid you entry will have to maintain a 20 line maximum, it sucks I know, but you may walk away with a cash prize, not to mention there are some really great pieces there and you may grow as a writer by exposure to works of other like-minded individuals. It's a very nice place to go and just read other peoples' writings. Enjoy!!!!!!
Oh, and keep up the awesome work my friend!!!! Steve :D
 
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