The Song...
is really good...I like the vocals a lot --- great voice...very cool.
I won't comment on the recording itself because it sounds from what you are saying that you are going to rerecord this at some point....
So that being said the only thing I have say is that the breakdown you do at the end.....Why don't you but that somewhere in the middle of the song...I know you kinda get chugging along there, but I honestly think a little dynamic in the middle of the tune might be interesting.
I would even keep the breakdown at the end as well.
post again once you re record it (if that's what you have planned)