Please critique my song...

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Social Anxiety

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Just recorded my first original song. It's a true song about a girl I knew in school who later killed a man & buried his body in a mine.
Any help, suggestions on the mix, advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
www.mp3.com/Social_Anxiety
 
The story

The song on this CD is about a girl I knew in high school 25 years ago. About a year ago,
I was reading my hometown newspaper & saw a story about a murder in Ivydale WV,
involving Cindy. She was having a party at her mobile home. The party consisted of
Cindy & 4 of her male friends. There was some sort of an arguement between Cindy
and a 19 year old man. Cindy shot him in the face with a 12 guage shotgun at close range.
Later, the three men and Cindy took the man's body to an abandoned mine in Widen, WV.
They buried him there in the mine. They went back to Cindy's place & while they were
cleaning up, one of the men secretly hid some human tissue in a piece of newspaper &
put it in his pocket. The next morning he took it to the police & told the whole story.
Cindy was arrested & convicted of second degree murder. I wrote the lyrics last year
& finally put them to music a few days ago. I used multitracking software & recorded all the
instruments & vocals myself. This song, and more Social Anxiety is available on Mp3.com
 
Good track...

Sounding good, a nice straight up ballsy rocker. I really love the guitar tone.... I'm trying to put my finger on what it reminds me of, but without too much success...


Keep it up mate,

Dave.
 
Tone

Thanks! The guitar tone is from the classic combination of a Les Paul played straight through a Marshall, mic'd with an SM57.
Someone told me it sounded like it was possibly influenced by Skynard's Can You Smell That Smell.
 
Re: Tone

Social Anxiety said:

The guitar tone is from the classic combination of a Les Paul played straight through a Marshall, mic'd with an SM57.
Click to expand...

LOL..! No matter how much technology we throw at stuff, you just can't beat the straight forward over-driven Marshall... You played that pretty loud I imagine...

Dave.
 
sounds sweet, dude....

Obviously infuenced by Skynard, and , now tell me the truth....you were into Ace Frehley?!!!


Good shit!
 
Damnit, I left you about 10 paragraphs on this song and this mother fucker ate em all and spit em in the bit-bucket. Now I'm just pissed and dont wanna retype it all again.
You should post this in the mps clinic, by the way, and you didn't list anything you used, especially for dums, which I spent about 6 paragraphs on.
Anyone hear "Rock-n-roll-hoochie-koo" in that riff anywhere? ;)
To make a long story short, the drums are dry and boxy, add some verb and see if you can't liven them up... sounds like a dead room. Correct? Raise the kick level some, I cant feel or hear it, really. How close was the marshall miced? I hear some room in that, also, which makes me think you were a few feet from the cab. I may be wrong. I have enough experience to know that some of what I'm hearing might be the conversion process too, to MP3, which can fuck shit up sometimes.
If thats indeed your 1st try at recording, congrats! Not bad at all. Time to start reading up on all the little tricks to make it bigger and better, now! And theres a bunch!
Peace,
Paul
 
Tubedude is right. The drums sound weak and a little too back in the mix. It should be driving the song and right up front. Guitar sounds good to me. Couldn't follow the words too well because of the delivery style and the vocals could be more up front. It sounds like you're singing for yourself and not the audience. Unless one has a super unique vocal timbre/quality, I believe one should try to enunciate the words clearly. At least you can follow the words and get involved. Remember, you are trying to communicate language to me along with the music. I couldn't follow the story or get your intention. Maybe picture someone right in front of you when you sing and they have never heard your lyrics before and you got only one chance to get it across.
 
Good effort, guy! I'm currently working on my first original tune, a 70's rock-style instrumental jam called "Witch's Brew". Based on the type of feedback you got here, I may have to post it so the gang can offer up some constructive criticism. BTW, which software program do you use? I'm using Cakewalk Guitar Tracks 2.0, which is unbelievable for the price!
 
Thank you!

Thank you all very much for your insight & advice, you've been very helpful, I now have alot of new info to work with & improvements to make. Thanks again...
 
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