Please Critique - Acoustic Pop Tune

D

DarkFriend

New member
Newly completed tune, my first all acoustic number. When it goes to CD, I'll get it profesionally mastered. For purposes here, its a home mix job. Would greatly appreciate your thoughts on songwriting, lyrics, mix, and performance.

http://www.supload.com/listen?s=qKEo2T

We took another fall, but I've waded through it all
Status quo into another Spring, those better times don't mean a thing, eh?
Remember when we stuck together, it was two against the world
Now something's changed in her head forever, she's a totally different girl

I'm gonna set my clock, and shut my eyes
Dare to dream, of perfect skies
And wake up to, the way it used to be

Happy trails and fairy tales, they won't come true
An I.O.U. for eighteen years, and now my fears they come to be my new reality
Funny how the funny things, no longer make you laugh
I get the funny feeling that this one's not built to last

I'm gonna set my clock, and shut my eyes
Dare to dream, of perfect skies
And wake up to, the way it used to be
The way it used to be

Ink confessing, second guessing, talking in your sleep
It's all quiet but you're speaking volumes with the company you keep
In the past you'll find, open hearts and open minds

I wanna wake up to, the way it used to be
The way it used to be
The way it used to be
 
Hi, first off, please don't double post. This is the right forum to seek comments and feedback on your tunes. I removed the other post.

Now on to the tune....

It's got a strong BNL vibe, cool. I like it overall and the thought in the story. performance is good, too. The mix needs some work. Bass and kick are way out front. I wonder if maybe your monitoring environment is not up to par. (Room, monitors)

Vocals and acoustic sound a little thin. Maybe too much mids eq'd out or something.

thanks for sharing.
 
Almost a Steely Dan flavor, cool arrangement and the bass part is cool. I'm hearing a weird artifact on the vocal, whether its a chorus effect or auto tuning(?) don't know. Maybe the piano and other key parts could be mixed and panned differently. I hear them; just not present enough. Just my opinion...thanks for sharing man.
 
The vocal approach is not grabbing me. It almost reminds me of Potsy from Happy Days. BTW I know I spelled his name wrong.
 
dodgeaspen said:
The vocal approach is not grabbing me. It almost reminds me of Potsy from Happy Days. BTW I know I spelled his name wrong.
Click to expand...

I agree, but I was thinking more of the Monkees. Not trying to be a dick. You asked for a critique. IMO your vocal approach sounds like Pat Boone. Try to get some feeling in there.

Arrangement is cool, parts are cool. The song doesn't appeal to me personally but I could see how it could be appealing to other white people.

Go listen to Jellyfish for a few weeks then retrack the vocals. You'll thank me afterwards.
 
I like the song, but it was hard to listen to on my monitors (dynamic stereo headphones). The drums seem way too prominent. I'd really like to hear this, and share it with others, with a few adjustments in the mix, as suggested, above. It's a catchy song, that is probably very easy to relate to by a lot of people. I agree with the comments about the vocals - maybe bring up the lower tones of the voice? I'm not really familiar with EQ, but it seems like some lower definition would give the vocal more depth and attraction.

I look forward to hearing what you do with this song!
 
Hey, big thanks for the comments. All useful and helpful.

Regarding the vocals, they are double tracked with the second take about -10db behind the leads, so that's why you hear that effect.

Regarding the mix, it is (with no regrets) a pop song. So listening to mainstream radio, it always seems that the bass, snare, and lead vocals are the most prominent things you always hear. That said, the levels of those are intentionally out front, but perhaps too much.

Again, thanks for the comments. Any thread where I'm being compared in any regard to the Monkees, Jellyfish, or Pat Boone are compliments to me!

Time to re-mix..
 
Nice acoustic powerpop, good song. Reminds me of Linus of Hollywood, along similar artistic lines.
 
Strong melody...very. Good wordsmithing. Tight performances. Good recorded sounds and mix. The drums don't sit quite right in space, and the bass is a bit farty. IMO

The stain of the work is a bit dated; but this melody and tune are very strong, and would be fit for a number of different treatments...just a good damn song.
A lot of good stuff.

My personal take on the tune would be for a darker, slower, more emotionally poingant treatment...but the bubblegumishness...if that's how you heard it...is not without merit or fans....or applicability...espacially as film or TV theme music. "Friends"; "That Thing You Do", etc, eg]

Damn good tune. Regardless of how it's produced. And this is a good production.
 
Good job, I definitely agree with whoever made the BNL comparison, because that's the first thing I thought of too. The kick drum needs to be looked at, it was almost making my speakers fart. Other than that I thought it sounded great.
 
Wow, more great comments. JeffMaher, yes this was intentionally created to be bubble gum pop especially for TV and movie pitching. Yes, I am trying to whore my music out. This was actually the first time I set about creating a song from scratch with the intention to pitch it. So your comments about it sounding like TV theme music really make me happy.

Mattdee - thanks for the kick drum comments. I'm gonna have to play with that one. Seems that on different speakers or headphones is goes from being subtle to jumping way out. The fact that the bass guitar mimics/follows the kick drum pretty precisely makes it stick out and pump even more.

Excellent help, gents. Much appreciated.
 
Yes, I am trying to whore my music out.

Bravo. Being a starving artist is dumb.

I think if you had a dozen like that, and pitched it, you'd get representation for the work, relatively quick...especially if you have at least a modest resume...some other tunes at work, somewhere. I hear a lot of that genre on a lot of production music catalogs. And yours is better than most I've heard. And you got a million dollar voice, to boot.
 
Mix sounds pretty good to me.

Has a very Ben Folds/Billy Joel vibe to it. In that respect it works. Nice job!
 
Well constructed pop song with nice vocal melodies. Think it could do with some extra vocals to fill out the chorus and in other various bits. Think it may suite some nice harmonies.

The mix is nice and clear but really lacking any fullness. The guitar is a focal point to run along with the vocals so i feel it needs some work. The guitar is really thin. There's a real nice punch in the song with all instruments following a nice driving rythm but it doen't come across well enough in the mix.

Maybe try thickening the bass and pulling back the kick.

ON the right track though ;)

Just to add that i am just a noobanaught! at mixing but enjoy listening and attempting to analyse
 
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