hello
I'm adding this pre-note after I wrote out the reply. I'm gonna be pretty harsh, but take it as constructive criticism. No point in me not telling you what work I think needs to be done.
i like the electronic intro, but i was expecting something more. (probably because your name is Bitonal Alchemy. Do you know what bitonality is? Your music isn't bitonal.) i'm all into electronica (amongst many other things). bluesjnr has a point in that the intro seems irrelevant to the song. but i don't think it's too long. (are you into stuff like 30 seconds to mars?) let me try make a list:
- the intro is arb. but a way to fix it without dropping it is to try blend it into the guitar intro, instead of just switching from one to the other. also you can work on your tempo.
- tempo is all over the place. the intro has a rhythm, even if it's obscured by the fact that the sounds are long and strange. the worst thing is that the guitar part after the electronic intro is completely different from the actual song! so, we think 'ok, here we go' and then we're surprised again. this sort of thing drives me nuts.
- the solo is very much like john frusciante in it's sparseness. and i think he's great. if you don't want to make it busier, at least try using different rhythm patterns in it. it's the same riff over and over just transposed. free it up a bit.
- granted, it's a home-recording or a demo. but there's stuff you can do to get a better sound. you need more clarity, 'cos it's sounding really muddy. Just use an EQ, especially on the singer's vocals. Come on, this is your baby, have some pride, ok?
- I know he's singing softly, reminds me of Trent Reznor's style. Not quite as good as Trent yet, I'm afraid, but I don't think it's a problem that it's a little 'choked'.
- Your rhythm guitarist is playing wrong notes, try tighten up before you record.
Ok, I think that's it. Writing this, I think there's a point I have to make. I don't want to make an example of you guys, 'cos it applies to 90% of stuff I hear not-yet-professional musicians making nowadays, on this board and elsewhere. People are not taking real pride in their work. Your song could be MUCH better if you did some simple things, like make sure you can play all the guitar parts, make sure you do some decent production on your recording (all recording software comes with an equaliser!), make sure you're in time, consistently. None of this has to do with songwriting. If you're going to write a song, and then not make the effort to perform and record it the best you can, then why write at all? As I said above, your music is like your baby. Treat it well. Conceiving and giving birth is simply not enough!
Phew, hope that wasn't too much of a rant
I'd like to get feedback on this sort of thing. If I don't, I'll start a new thread....
ciao, work hard
