One of those days

[Better Than Me]

It's been one of those days... I guess it's been longer then that, but it all ends up hitting you on that one day. Well, I find it easiest to express everything in writing, so this is what I put down so far...

verse1
The weight of the world is astounding
The fear that binds us together
Darkness consumes its' surroundings
Help me close my eyes forever

chorus
Establish myself, with where I should be
Success of my failure has lead me to see
While filling ourselves with false sympathy
Bring me the end of this fallacy

bridge
On a pathway to absolve
Nothings what it seems
Sin will show your colors
The devil's always green

 

[ido1957]

Cool - dark, depressing, visual, good imagery, meter is nice, rhymes good. So far so good.....I like it.....

PS - Sorry you're having a bad day . I think you could sing this even on a good day and get the right response from the listener.....

 

[Better Than Me]

Getting through those bad days is the tough part, but I did it. I ended up writing a second verse for this, but I think I will end up extending them to 8 lines a piece, here is the next part of it.

The weight of the world is astounding
The fear that binds us together
Darkness consumes its' surroundings
Help me close my eyes forever

Establish myself, with where I should be
Success of my failure has lead me to see
While filling ourselves with false sympathy
Bring me the end of this fallacy

Forget who we are with nothing to gain
Consumed by the feelings inside
The lids of our eyes are red with the stain
The innocence within has died


Let me know what you think...

 

[ido1957]

Forget who we are with nothing to gain
Consumed by the feelings inside
The lids of our eyes are red with the stain
The innocence within has died

Let me know what you think...

I really like this latest part - very nicely done. But where is the bridge from your first post? Can you add back in the Verse/Chorus/Bridge headings so I get the structure again? It's getting better each time .......

 

[Better Than Me]

Verse 1
The weight of the world is astounding
The fear that binds us together
Darkness consumes its' surroundings
Help me close my eyes forever

Chorus
Establish myself, with where I should be
Success of my failure has lead me to see
While filling ourselves with false sympathy
Bring me the end of this fallacy

Verse 2
Forget who we are with nothing to gain
Consumed by the feelings inside
The lids of our eyes are red with the stain
The innocence within has died

bridge
On a pathway to absolve
Nothings what it seems
Sin will show your colors
The devil's always green

 

[ido1957]

Verse 1
The weight of the world is astounding
The fear that binds us together
Darkness consumes its' surroundings
Help me close my eyes forever

Chorus
Establish myself, with where I should be
Success of my failure has lead me to see
While filling ourselves with false sympathy
Bring me the end of this fallacy

Verse 2
Forget who we are with nothing to gain
Consumed by the feelings inside
The lids of our eyes are red with the stain
The innocence within has died

bridge
On a pathway to absolve
Nothings what it seems
Sin will show your colors
The devil's always green

Unless you're holding out for a third verse, this looks like its a done deal. It's a good one too! Add a dash of melody/chords and voila !

ido

 

[Better Than Me]

I am actually adding to it, I have a verse 2.2 and going to be adding 4 more lines to the first verse as well. Each verse will be 8 lines, but each 4 will have a different melody and tempo, I am working with a friend now to lay down the guitar to it, so as I get more to it, I will post links here.