One more song I finished-- Sally

[weeklyhouse]

I just got this one more to let you guys critique.This one I just finished.But I wrote years ago.Please let me know if you think it needs something to make it sound better.There is no real pattern to this song.Not in the verse,chorus,verse,bridge,chorus thing.Just a musical story.I will put the lyrics down here.

Once I took a ride on a motorbike
When I took another ride I was outta sight
Took about a year to learn how to fly
Took another year to touch the sky.

I went to war when I was barely 18
and I fell in love with a native queen
Took about a year to make her mine
Took another year to tell my wife

Oh Sally
Ill be home soon
but when I get home theres something I just gotta tell ya
Oh Sally

And it all comes down to this
With welfare mothers just having more kids
Whatever happened to wedded bliss
And the wars get started from minds full of shit
in the morning maybe Ill see things different
in the morning if I live till dawn

Sally Im falling in the fields
Sally Im falling between the wheels
sally Im falling head over heals
Sally Im falling in love in love
But not with you


MP3 Player SoundClick

 

[trumpino1]

That is a pretty bad ass song. The message is not what any person would want to hear, but it happens all the time, so whatever. I liked the hell out of the stereo acoustics in this. Sounded great.

 

[Tobe]

Nice...

I recon it would sound tighter and brighter without the bass. The bass makes me wonder when the drums are going to kick in.